Stay With Me
by Eilam Wordsmith
Summary: Things never happen they way we envision them. Commander Jane Shepard was victory against the Reapers, a normal life with Kaiden Alenko, and adventures aboard the Normandy. But it's never that easy.
1. The Way You Are

**Author's Note:** My first Mass Effect fanfiction. I stuck with the default femShepard name because it's (somewhat) easier to connect with. Plus, my character's name is silly, completely wrong for the tone of the story. You'll notice I try not to use 'Jane' too much, and that is because I do not like the name very much, and because I want you, the reader, to have your own character in mind. Still, some standards must be set. Jane Shepard is female, a paragon, spacer and sole survivor. You should be able to deduce as much in the story, but I wanted to avoid confusion.

**EDIT!** It's not terribly big, but I just made the discovery in-game that you actually have the chance to talk to Shepard's mother, if you're a spacer. Judging from the conversation, and what you learn about her beforehand, it's fairly obvious that neither of Shepard's parents were engineers, as I had guessed. (You don't find out anything about the father, so I'm thinking that maybe Shepard is the result of a brief fling. But I'll probably be proven wrong about that, too.) So I changed that paragraph. Oddly enough, the revelation gave me a whole new angle for Shepard that will be coming up in subsequent chapters.

* * *

Commander Jane Shepard was exhausted. 

Standing in the decontamination chamber yet again, after slogging through the muck on another planet, searching for a sign of the Reapers that had turned out to be another dead end...well. Needless to say, she desperately wanted a hot shower, and a soft bed.

And possibly a warm body, too.

A certain male body that happened to be standing behind her, looking as tired as she was.

Kaiden caught her glance, and gave her a brief smile. Garrus, standing beside him, pointedly ignored the interaction.

There was a beep as the decontamination was completed, and Shepard immediately headed for her quarters, her mind wandering.

Kaiden Alenko. Even now, after Ilos, after the Citadel, she wasn't sure what to think of him. He was a subordinate, a trusted teammate, an extraordinary soldier and a biotic. They went into battle side-by-side, trusting each other with their lives. And yet...the way he made her feel, as though she was on the point of collapse, or nearly flying, scared her more than any mission.

There had been other men, of course. But she had never gone as far with them as she had with Kaiden. It was a risk, loving a soldier. They fought. Most often, they died. She had had someone special in her unit, once. He was nice, likable. They flirted a lot. But then they were sent to Akuze, and Shepard was alone again. Before coming to the _Normandy_, she had wanted to keep it that way.

It wasn't impossible to love someone in the military. Her own parents were Alliance, and had raised her on various spaceships. They were both low-ranking officers, rarely participating in anything beyond routine patrols and survey missions. Even then, they had found it hard to stay together. Often they were assigned to seperate ships and missions, shuttling Jane back and forth between them. The time her parents spent together was brief and strained. In comparison, her own situation was so different, and so difficult.

Secure in her room, Shepard immediately discarded her guns, carefully placing them in her locker, her body armor following suit. Then she stripped completely and stepped into the shower stall.

Ah, now _this_ was heaven. The muck that had been caked onto her hair and skin began to slide off. Shepard closed her eyes, letting her tense muscles relax under the hot water.

She hadn't felt this good since...that night with Kaiden.

Her eyes snapped open, and she groaned. This was getting ridiculous! She couldn't even shower without thinking about him.

Not that that was necessarily a bad thing, at times.

Again she caught herself, remembering Akuze, and all the times before. Even now, she had a job to do. There was no way that she could go that far again. No way.

But Kaiden was a soldier as well, and a talented one. He knew the risks, and cared about them as much as she did. But he was still effective in battle, focused on the mission, and not her. She was sure he wouldn't let a relationship affect his judgment.

_Unlike you._ Her guilty conscience whispered. _When it was a choice between Kaiden and Ashley, who did you choose?_

That was different. Ashley made the right choice, for the success of the mission, and Shepard had honored it. If she had deactivated the nuke, victory would have been next to impossible, and the Salarians would have died as well.

_Still lying to yourself? Admit it. You wanted a lover, not a friend. Ashley was a good soldier, and you sold her out. You killed her for one night with Kaiden. Was it worth it? Was it?_

"Commander Shepard?"

She jumped, startled by Joker's voice over the comm.

"Yes?"

"Councilman Anderson wants to speak with you."

This could not be good. Anderson was understanding of her position, and a very capable leader. But if this conversation was anything like the last one, she didn't want to have it. Still...

"Tell him I'll be in the comm room in ten minutes. I'll want a debriefing with my crew afterward."

"Understood, Commander."

Sighing, Shepard stepped out of the shower, the water automatically shutting off behind her.

She was not alone.

"Alenko!" Shepard said, nearly jumping back into the shower. "What are you doing here?"

_Once again, I am naked, in my room, and alone with Kaiden Alenko._

_Easy, girl. Stand your ground. It's not like this is the first time he's seen you naked._

Kaiden had the decency to flush, but he did not look away.

"Sorry, Commander. I, uh..." His gaze flicked down, then back up. "I wanted to talk to you. About us."

_Nonononono! Not now, please not now!_

"You might have to wait until after the debriefing," she said, moving to put on her clothes. "I'm due to speak to Anderson in ten minutes."

She moved to slide on her shirt, but Kaiden reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Shepard...Jane. Please."

Goosebumps rose on her flesh; it was the first time he'd ever used her first name.

"Kaiden..." They were inches apart, his hand moving up her arm to her neck, cradling her head.

"You've never run before," he whispered, his voice rough. "And you didn't run that night. Why now? What's changed?"

She shivered. "Everything."

"How? Tell me why you've been avoiding me for weeks. Why I had to sneak into your room to talk with you. Why you look away when I enter a room. Did you love me out of pity?"

"No."

"Did you love me because you thought we were going to die?"

"No."

He gripped her harder, held her closer. Their foreheads touched, their lips separated by the lengths of their noses.

"Just tell me, Jane." His voice cracked; he sounded on the verge of tears. "I have to know why."

She swallowed. "I'm scared. Scared for you. Before Ilos, I thought that Saren was the key. If he went down, if his plan failed, then we would be safe forever. I was wrong. After what Vigil told us, about the Reapers, and how they came, I knew it wouldn't be over. You know it, too. Everyone in the galaxy will be fighting for their lives, and I plan to be on the front line.

"That night, you said that you didn't want anything to happen to me. The feeling is absolutely mutual. If you died, I..."

Kaiden's other arm went around her waist, and he leaned in closer. "Shepard--"

She broke away, turning her back on him and sliding on her clothes. "I have to go," she said.

He did not move as she went to the door. She paused, and turned.

"You're right. I've been pushing you away. But I don't want to do that anymore. So...come back here. After the debriefing."

The lieutenant looked up, and smiled. "I'll be here."

This time, Jane Shepard smiled in return before she walked out the door.

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** Sorry, I just couldn't resist Kaiden/Shepard fluff at the end, there. The next chapter, already in progress, is much more intense and will begin the major arc of the story. 

Just a warning, now. As my previous readers know, my updates can be slow and erratic, at best. Please, bear with me. College can be tough and time-consuming. A job can be doubly so. Alas, both are necessary.


	2. You Fall Apart

**Author's Note:** Sorry this chapter is so brief. It's purely for pacing reasons, I promise. I could have included more, but decided that it would be more appropriate for a later chapter. Not much appears to be happening here, but it's really setting up the framework for what happens next. Details will follow, after a proper cliffhanger.

Thank you, guys, for your support. I hope I'll be able to keep you entertained.

* * *

Anderson was waiting for her when she finally arrived. His holographic frown flickered with static, but remained steady. It was amazing how the stress of his position had aged him in only a few short months. His features were haggard, the grey streaks in his hair now wide bands. It hurt to see him like this.

"Shepard," he began, "it's been six months. Do you have any leads on the Reapers?"

"No, sir." She tensed. Admitting her own failures was never easy, especially after Ashley had been lost.

"Do you remember what we discussed previously?"

"Yes, sir."

How could she have forgotten? It had invaded her thoughts during every hour of the day.

"It's time."

She jerked, visibly startled. It couldn't be. This should have taken years for the Council to set up. How?

The councilman appeared to have been reading her thoughts. "The project has advanced beyond our expectations," he said. "Sovereign's attack on the Citadel had the unexpected side effect of bonding together all species in Citadel Space. Even the Terminus Systems are seeking an alliance. We need everyone we can get."

It didn't take a genius to understand what he was saying. As a member of the council, Anderson could not order a Spectre anywhere. But her duty was to help the galaxy where she was needed most. Apparently, the council thought they needed her.

"With all due respect, sir," she said, "I feel I would better serve the Council by further investigating the Reapers."

Anderson shook his head. "It's been six months, Shepard. You admitted that you had found no new information on the Reapers."

"I have one last place I'd like to try," Shepard urged. "Sir, please, it would only take two weeks at the most, and it's the only unturned stone I have left. If I find nothing, then I'll join the council project willingly."

The hologram's image softened, an effect that had nothing to do with static. Anderson's frown shrank.

"It's not that simple," he said. "Your other crew members are needed just as urgently. Dr. T'Soni, nar Rayya, Vakarian, Wrex..."

_Don't say Alenko,_ she thought, pleading with any god or fate there was. _Please, don't take Kaiden. Don't drag him into this._

"...even Lieutenant Alenko is being promoted."

_No. No, no, no!_

"The sooner you arrive, Shepard, the better."

Desperate, the commander reached for any straws she could think of. "Two weeks, sir. That's all I need. I think the council owes me that much, at least."

The frown was back again. "Shepard--"

"_Two weeks._"

Anderson sighed, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "This is going to put me on the spot, Shepard. Humanity is new to the council; asking for favors at this point will look bad."

"It wouldn't be the first time you'd stuck out your neck for me," Shepard remarked. Anderson hadn't minded taking risks when it meant punching out a certain ambassador. They both smirked, remembering.

"Point taken," Anderson replied. "Two weeks, Shepard. That's all. I will expect the _Normandy _to dock at the Citadel on schedule, or there will be severe repercussions. For both of us."

"Yes, sir."   
"I'm sending you a report of the project; we've discussed most of it already, but the duties of your crew are outlined as well. I assume you will want to make them aware of the situation, if you haven't already."

"Yes, sir."

"Anderson, out."

The holograph disappeared, and Shepard sank into her chair, sighing.

Time was running out. She'd fully committed herself to the council's desires, agreeing to be separated from those nearest and dearest to her. The project was important, no doubt about that. She'd known that certain people wanted her involved in it, as well. But she'd hoped for a year, at least, possibly more. The galaxy had picked a heck of a time to cooperate.

The problem was, Shepard was too valuable for her own good. As a Spectre, she had the freedom to accept any mission she desired. But at this critical time, the council did not want one of their top agents, a public hero, to be wandering around the galaxy on a ghost hunt. Especially when her crew members were also vital for what the council had in mind. Deep down, Shepard understood that. She was a commander, after all.

But...Kaiden.

_I can't lose him. Not now. Where is he being promoted to? Will they send him to the front lines? He could be slaughtered, or captured, or worse. I could request that he serve under me. But will that even be possible with the position I'll be holding? What can I do to keep him safe, to keep him by my side?_

She looked around at the circle of empty chairs. They had all sat in here with her for debriefings on the lastest mission, or the newest communication. It had been a good feeling, in the beginning, to be surrounded by people she could trust with her life. It had hurt them all to see that one empty chair after Virmire. How could she lose them all? How could she face that empty room, after they were gone?

How could she stand to be alone again?

Shepard activated her Omnitool, the familiar orange glow shining like a beacon in the dimly lit room. A large file had just arrived from Councilman Anderson, marked "Classified". When she opened it, the top of the screen contained words that chilled her.

"Project Revelations"

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** I warned you about the cliffhanger, didn't I? The next chapter will be up soon. Until then, live long and prosper!


	3. Losing You

**Author's Note:** Here it is, nearly five in the morning, and I'm finally done with this chapter. I blame soda. And the internet.

This chapter is rather long for me. Usually only my novel chapters get this lengthy. Most of this is dialogue, and I'm worried that I didn't make it quite interesting enough. So, if this chapter is the final straw, and you're completely turned off of this fic, check out Time Marches On, by Nvrmore. It's in my Story Favorites, so it's not hard to find. Even if you still somehow like my fic, go read Nvrmore's anyway. It's way better.

* * *

It was a long time before Commander Shepard looked away from the screen. She rubbed at eyes that felt like they were on fire, then pressed the comm link on the panel beside her.

"Joker speaking. What can I do for you, Commander?"

"I'd like my surface team here for debriefing in ten minutes," she said. "I'll be discussing classified information with them, Joker. No eavesdropping."

"Who, me? Commander, I'm insulted."

A small smile appeared on her face for a moment. Trust Joker to make a comment like that. "Don't feel left out. After I'm done here, I'll be addressing the entire crew. That means you, too."

"Nice to know I'm included in _something_," he remarked. There was a beep as he signed off.

Navigator Pressly didn't like Shepard's lax attitude with certain members of the crew, Joker included. It set a bad precedent, he said. But to her mind, these people had become less of a military unit and more of a family. It was a dangerous mindset for a soldier, and the disadvantages became apparent on a day like today, when so many things would be changing.

_Focus, Shepard,_ she thought. _You've got ten minutes to get a grip. Don't break down in front of them._

How often had she repeated that mantra, and for how long? Easy question. Every single day for the past twelve years, from the moment she'd joined the Alliance to this very second. She'd been strong. Always. The sole survivor of Akuze did not break down in front of her soldiers.

Be strong. Don't give in. Defend the galaxy. She had lived by that, and where had it gotten her? She wasn't any happier. The galaxy wasn't any safer. What had she really accomplished?

_Maybe...maybe it's time to give in. To retire. The council won't like it, and neither will the Alliance. But I don't need their approval. I could disappear if I wanted to. Find some backwater planet in the Traverse, live alone with Kaiden..._

Wait. Wait one minute. What was she thinking? Commander Jane Shepard, of the Specters and the Alliance, was just going to give in? And for what? Kaiden wouldn't let her run away like that. Just a few hours ago he'd been yelling at her for avoiding him. Avoiding the galaxy was simply unacceptable.

It was hard to be strong. She knew that better than anyone. But her strength _had_ accomplished things. If she hadn't joined the Alliance, there was no way she would have met Kaiden. And she and her crew had held off the Reapers, if only for a while. But a little while was long enough to mount a defense, and she would do it!

One last mission. One last contact. If that failed, and it likely would, then they would report to the Citadel. And they would be strong.

"Commander?"

She turned, startled out of her reverie as her team filed into the room. Liara had already sat down, and she spoke again. "Commander, are you well?"

Shepard nodded, adjusting her position so that her back was ramrod-straight, as usual. "I'm fine. Just...thinking."

The others made their way to the comm room, taking familiar seats. Garrus, Liara, Wrex, Tali, an empty chair for Ashley, and then, in the place of honor on her right, Kaiden.

They all watched her, their faces giving away their state of mind. Garrus and Wrex seemed impatient, though the Krogan was easily the more frustrated of the two. She knew how bored they must be, following her around the galaxy, searching for a clue that never appeared. Liara was as composed and polite as ever, but Shepard had seen the way she withdrew more and more. She spoke less, and spent what time she could in the back of the med bay. The scientist wasn't suited for this sort of life. Even Tali, who practically lived in the engines and seemed the happiest, let her shoulders sag from time to time. She could have returned home long ago, her Pilgrimage complete. Instead, she stayed on the _Normandy_, ostracized by a good portion of the crew, battling homesickness. Even Kaiden had dark circles under his eyes, the only sign he would give of his exhaustion.

_They do this for me,_ Shepard thought. _I push them so hard, keep them close, for my own selfish reasons. Specters often work alone, and there's no real reason for them to be here. The council was right._

_I have to let them go._

"I've called you here for a specific purpose," she began. Her voice didn't waver, despite her agony. "The next planet we visit will be the last. If we find nothing, then our mission is over, and we will report to the Citadel, as per their request."

Kaiden shifted, and when Shepard turned to look at him, she could see the confusion and caution on his face. "The Citadel requested you?"

"No," she replied. "They have requested _all_ of us."

Everyone in the room was bewildered; they could not think of a reason why the council would need them. Shepard was the Specter, after all. They were skilled, yes, but in their minds they could see no reason why they should be involved with the council.

Shepard continued. "Since Sovereign's attack on the Citadel, the council has been preparing for a classified project to defend against the Reapers. Councilman Anderson informed me today that the project has reached the point where further personnel is needed, including us. I have been authorized to discuss this with you fully, but understand that nothing said here can leave this room.

"The first part, Project Revelations, is concerned with defense, and will involve the entire galaxy. The council has decided on several courses of action to prepare for the Reapers, and every species has agreed to follow them.

"First, colonies in distant regions will be asked to pull back for the time being, and resettle closer to their home worlds."

Kaiden shook his head. "Humanity isn't going to like this."

Shepard nodded, her expression grim. "They didn't. ExoGeni was particularly difficult to persuade, but they came around when they were offered compensation for their trouble. Every colony will be offered enough credits to resettle.

"Which brings me to my next point. Sovereign told us that the Reapers were responsible for constructing the Mass Relays and the Citadel. If they returned today, we would be left without communication, transportation, and government, and meet the same fate as the Protheans.

"Liara, this is where you come in."

The Asari unconsciously straightened upon hearing her name.

"Liara," Shepard went on, "your knowledge of the Protheans is invaluable here. When they constructed the Conduit, they took their first steps away from reliance on Reaper technology, a system based upon, but independent from, the mass relays. We will be building on what they learned.

"The council is still debating on whether to abandon the Citadel or not, but they probably will. It's simply too dangerous for them to be there, knowing that the Reapers could somehow use it again.

"Garrus, C-Sec is preparing to evacuate the Citadel. They want your help, and they're offering a promotion."

The Turian turned his head slightly, his eye monitor reflecting the dim light in the room. "I will not turn away when I am needed," he said, "but I am tempted to refuse. They would not believe you when you warned them about Saren, and the Reapers. A part of me thinks that this is their punishment for their mistakes."

Wrex grumbled. "That's what they get for ignoring us for so long. I guess a Reaper doesn't exist for them until it crashes through their window."

Deep down, Shepard agreed with them. It had taken most of her willpower to avoid yelling "I-told-you-so" at the council after Sovereign's attack.

"We need to forget our past mistakes right now," she said. "And I wouldn't talk that way about the council if I were you, Wrex."

The Krogan turned to glare at her with blood-red eyes. "And why is that?"

Shepard couldn't hold back the tiniest of smiles. "They have begun work with the Salarians to cure the genophage."

Wrex appeared speechless. Shepard continued.

"The forces we have right now are not enough to defend against the amount of Reapers we're expecting. We need good soldiers, and the Krogan are some of the best in the galaxy. The council wants you to lead them, Wrex."

It took a moment, but Wrex's astonishment gave way to suspicion. "So we're tools again?" He said. "Are we going to fight and die for the council, and then be exterminated when we've outlived our use?"

Shepard paused. This conversation could easily take a turn not unlike the one on Virmire. She did not want blasters drawn this time, especially since hers were still in her locker.

"It was a concern," she said quietly. "There were arguments that the Krogan would rather fight against us than with us. But the council was reminded of what you accomplished recently, and what you tried to do before you left your home world. So they agreed that they would only search for a cure if you led your people. You are the last Krogan Battle Master, after all. You have the right."

She remained calm on the outside, as though they were talking about a particular plant or mineral. Within, every nerve was vibrating, tense. Wrex would be a formidable foe if he turned on her now. Kaiden was holding his breath, his hand instinctively moving to where his pistol would be, if he were wearing his armor.

Wrex eyed Shepard for the longest time, thinking. Then he relaxed, leaning as far back as his chair and body structure would allow. "I've trusted you before, Shepard, and you've never led me wrong," he said. "A cure for my people is worth having to lead them."

Shepard nodded, then turned to Tali.

"If we're expanding our fleets, we'll need more ships," she said. "Tali, Chief Engineer Adams has always spoken very highly of your abilities. When the council was informed, they began negotiations with the Quarians for engineers. They have reached an agreement; a large percentage of the Quarian fleet will devote themselves to building the council's ships, along with the humans and Turians. In exchange, your people will receive their own system, embassy, and a full pardon for creating the Geth. You've been asked to join the construction teams."

Tali gripped the sides of her chair, as though afraid that she didn't have the strength to sit up on her own. "I...I can't believe it," she said.

Shepard nodded. "You earned this long ago."

The room fell silent, waiting for the last of the debriefing. Shepard's head drooped slightly, her eyes half-closed in thought. She rested her chin on her folded hands, and glanced at Kaiden before she spoke again. Then she did not look at any of them.

"Kaiden, you're being promoted to the position of Captain, and you will be given one of the new fleet ships. Congratulations."

The former Lieutenant leaned back, shocked. It took a moment before he recovered his usual neutrality.

"Thank you, Commander," he said. "Can you tell me what my primary objective will be?"

"Basically what we're doing now," Shepard replied. Her chin was still resting on her hands. "Most of the fleet will protect the planets governed by the council, but part of it--including your ship, Kaiden--will patrol the systems, maintaining order and searching for any sign of Reaper activity."

Kaiden glanced at her. "And what role will you be playing, Commander?"

Her voice, when it came, sounded dead, mechanical.

"The second part of the project is under the highest level of secrecy. I'm only authorized to give you a general summary, nothing more.

"It's called Project Noah, and it's the last resort for the entire galaxy. Revelations is our defense, and it will eventually be revealed to the general public. Hopefully, Noah will never happen, and very few will ever be the wiser."

She paused, then sat up straighter. Her hands went down, gripping the cloth on her knees. The rest of the team watched her, waiting. What could possibly affect Shepard this way?

"If the Reapers come from Dark Space somehow, we will do our best to fight them off," Shepard said. "But if Revelations fails, if it looks like the Reapers will win, then we have to have some way of preserving our civilization. The Protheans hid, but even that couldn't work for long. Vigil just didn't have enough power to sustain them. So instead, we will have to run.

"We're not just building military fleets. A portion of those ships will also be for transporting the galactic population. The passengers will remain in cryo pods, and the ship will be programmed to seek out a place safe from the Reapers.

"This won't save everyone, of course. Those remaining will be moved to a dark system, the same way Ilos was a dark planet. It will be riskier for those left behind, especially after what we learned from Vigil. But we have more time to prepare, and more time to build up a power supply to keep as many people as possible alive."

"I don't like it," Wrex grumbled. "Running and hiding? Not the way I want to go. Any Krogan will say the same."

Garrus nodded. "It's far too risky a plan. Too much of its success is based on chance."

"And what mission isn't?" Liara asked. "We have gambled for high stakes before, when all odds were against us. Besides, the Commander did say it would be a last resort."  
Shepard wiped at her forehead with the back of her hand. "I don't like it, either. All we can do is hope that our fleets can hold out against the Reapers."

The sudden grip on her arm startled her. She jerked around, and saw Kaiden holding her. His face had lost its neutral demeanor, twisted into some combination of suspicion, worry, and grief. Shepard made to pull her arm away, but he only held her arm tighter.

"What are you doing in Project Noah?" He whispered. "Where would a Specter belong in that?"

The others watched, though Garrus looked away after a moment, aware of where this was going. Liara seemed about to jump out of her seat, her brow furrowed in either anger or concern.

She put her free hand over his, trying to reassure him. "All the Specters have been asked for their help here," she said.

"Exactly!" Kaiden said. "They _asked_. No one can command you to do anything. Not the council, and not the Alliance."

"It's not that simple. I'm supposed to work for the council, not against it. With something this important, saying no could qualify me as a rogue like Saren."

"But why? Why the Specters? And how long did you know about this? How long were you keeping it from me?"

When his grip tightened again, Shepard's eyes narrowed. She loved this man. She respected him. She could trust him with her life. But for now, she was still his commanding officer, and he was still acting in a way that she did not like.

"Alenko, let go of my arm." She said it in a tone that was unmistakably cold. Kaiden couldn't remember the last time she talked to him like that. He let go, feeling like he'd been slapped in the face. The tension in the room relaxed somewhat.

"Thank you," Shepard continued. "Now, to address your first question, I can only say that the Specters will be appointed to aid both evacuees and those in hiding. They will largely function as protectors. Until then, we will be relocated to the dark system, to prepare.

"As for the second question, I have been warned by Councilman Anderson that we would be needed soon. He couldn't give me specifics, but he did make it clear that this would be a large-scale mission, and refusal would not likely be an option."

She paused, and looked at the faces of her crew. In a way, it was a relief to unload some of this burden, to make them aware of the pain she was feeling, the worries she had. After so many months together, it felt wrong to withhold anything from them. And yet, it also hurt to place that weight on their shoulders.

"I didn't want to keep you in the dark," she said. "Any of you. I trust each of you with my life, but I did not have the authorization to tell you about this until now. Being a Specter comes with a lot of freedoms, but even we have rules sometimes.

"Now, I want all of you to get some rest. We will be landing for our last mission together in a few days, and I want all of you in good shape. So unless there are any more questions, you're dismissed."

They filed out quickly, but Kaiden was the last to go. Shepard reached out and took his hand, stopping him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "For everything. I'll be making an announcement to the _Normandy_'s crew, but I'd like to see you afterward."

Kaiden looked down at her hand holding his, and pulled free. "We'll have a lot to discuss," he said. Then he was gone.

Shepard sat in the comm room, listening to the silence. Alone again.

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** If you're still here, and you don't hate this chapter, I commend you for your loyalty and good taste (ha ha). Still, there are bound to be problems, and if you would point them out to me I would be ever so grateful.

Have a good weekend!


	4. Your Pain

**Author's Note:** So it looks like I'll only be able to update semi-weekly. Eh, it's better than nothing. I have a new job now, and classes are keeping me on my toes, so I'll write when I can.

This chapter was very difficult; I started it twice, deleted everything, and wrote the scene on Endymion first. What gave me the most trouble was Kaiden's emotions here. So if anyone feels that he got too OOC, tell me. Heck, if anything feels off, tell me.

Just a little note about Endymion. It's hard coming up with a new name for a planet. Not sure if someone's used it already, in either the game or the real world. By the way, the name comes from the myth about the moon goddess, Selene, who fell in love with a mortal man, Endymion. With five moons, it seemed appropriate.

* * *

Kaiden was not waiting for her when she returned to her quarters.

Her message to the _Normandy_'s crew had been brief. After their next mission, she had said, they would be returning to the Citadel, where she would likely be reassigned off the warship. It had been a pleasure to serve with all of them, and she hoped they would meet again soon. Until then, they must do their duty for the Alliance and the Citadel.

Joker had been unamused.

"Come on, Commander, this reeks 'Top Secret'. What's so important that you can't captain the _Normandy_?"

"Lots of things, Joker. All of them classified."

"See, I knew it! Come on, you can tell me."

She hadn't, but there was certainly a temptation. Joker had been mentioned in the plans for Project Revelation, but she wasn't authorized to tell him anything. It hurt to keep something this big from him.

Pressley had offered his congratulations, but Shepard had barely heard him. Her reply had been unusually curt, and she left as soon as possible, down the stairs to her quarters.

Kaiden's absence drained her. Even if he had fought with her, he would still be there. This emptiness, this loneliness, was infinitely worse than any harsh words they could trade. She sat on her bed, the same one they had shared that night, and methodically worked at cleaning the mud off of her armor. Her hand moved back and forth with the scraper, the rhythm lulling her mind into an almost meditative state.

Why was he not there? Didn't he want to speak with her at all? Couldn't he understand the reason for her silence?

_You've always been open with him before. He trusted you, trusted that he would always know what you knew. It hurt him when he had to find out with the others._

But he was a member of the shore team. He was a soldier, first and foremost. Surely he understood the chain of command? Even she had a boss that had to be obeyed.

_Lying to yourself again? You didn't care about the chain of command when you were flirting. Or when you were doing more that flirting._

The armor's chest plate clean, Shepard flipped it over and began working on the back side.

_It's so empty in here. I just wish I weren't so...so alone._

But she always had been alone. Growing up, her mother and father were always busy. They'd often been assigned to separate ships, and when her mother was on a mission she would be sent to her father, or vice versa. There was never time for someone to admire her finger paintings, or help her with algebra problems, or explain the facts of life. It had been her friends, other navy brats, who had done that. And even they were often absent from her life, what with her constant shuttling from ship to ship.

When she turned eighteen, she signed up for the military immediately. She'd been living with her mother at the time, and they'd fought.

"I don't want this life for you! It's a lonely life, Jane, and a hard one. You don't want to live this way forever!"

"You can't tell me what to do! I'm an adult now, and I can make my own choices."

Her mother had been right, of course. It was so terribly lonely in space. Even the closest star is light-years away.

"Commander? ETA to Endymion, fifteen minutes."

Shepard lifted her hand to the comlink. "Thanks, Joker. Tell Wrex and Alenko I want them on the deck."

"Will do."

As she rolled out of bed, still weary from her chronic insomnia, Shepard cringed. Why had she asked for Alenko? Would it really be wise to take him on shore with so much tension between them? He was a good soldier, and he had remarkable focus, but still.

_Relax. You're not expecting a fight on Endymion. And even if you were, Kaiden is always useful to have along, what with his medical abilities._

Shepard strapped on her armor and picked up her guns as she walked out the door. She could handle this.

"Uh, Commander?" Joker's voice came from the comm link again. "I'm receiving a transmission from Endymion. You should hear this."

This could not be good. "I'm heading to the comm room. Patch it through to there."

"Yes, ma'am."

Her steps quickened, and she ran up the stairs. What could have happened? Endymion was a pleasure planet, of no real political or geographical importance. What was wrong?

The sensors in the comm room recognized her presence as soon as she entered, and the message began playing as soon as the doors closed. A man's voice, presumably the administrator's was heard over the sound of gunfire and screams.

"...they came so quickly, we didn't stand a chance. The guards here are all dead, and they're breaking through the security doors. Please, help us! Send reinforc--"

There was a gunshot, and the message dissolved into static. Shepard was frozen, remembering how much it sounded like the distress call from Eden Prime.

"Joker?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Tell Wrex and Kaiden what we're expecting. They're to be combat ready at the airlock in five minutes."

"Yes, Commander."

She slung on her back brace as she made her way to the airlock, then slipped in her assault and sniper rifle. Kaiden was already outside the airlock, putting on the last of his armor. Shepard bent down next to him, but he wouldn't look at her.

"Lieutenant?" She said, strapping on her pistol.

He glanced up, his helmet in his hands. "Yes, Commander?"

"I need to know that you can focus on the mission today. If you can't handle it, tell me now."

"I'm ready, ma'am."

"Good."

They stepped into the airlock, Wrex joining them a moment later. "Equalizing interior pressure with exterior atmosphere," the computer chirped. "Logged: Commanding officer is ashore. XO Pressley has the deck." The outer hull door slid open.

Endymion was a planet of perpetual moonlight. The distance from the system's sun left it cold and dark, but the presence of five moons made for a silvery and romantic landscape. The FlyLite corporation had seen the possibilities for a lover's retreat, and established a small colony. Couples could walk through the glass atriums, enjoy the fine dining and gambling, or stay in their rooms for more "personal" activities. It had been billed as a honeymooner's paradise.

But once they had left the empty docking bay, Shepard and her crew saw that they had entered a slaughterhouse. The atrium was filled with bodies, and the stench of blood and fear and excrement and plasma burn filled the stale air. Some couples had embraced in their dying moments, their faces twisted in agony as their hands rested in comfort.

"My God," Kaiden whispered. "who did this? All these people..."  
Shepard swept her gaze back and forth across the carnage, then bent to examine the nearest corpse. "It looks like Geth," she said. "See how precise the shots were? No stray fire towards the windows, either. Organics aren't that precise."

"Geth aren't, either," Wrex grumbled. "Couldn't hit the Mako when it was running over them."

"Maybe in the small groups we usually deal with. But their intelligence is based on large numbers. The more there are, the more brain power they share, and the more deadly they become. We're going to have to be careful here."

Kaiden shifted, then pulled out his pistol. "Roger that."

They moved through the atrium, guns raised, biotic light rippling over their bodies. The moonlight Endymion was famous for no longer seemed romantic in this setting; the shadows it created heightened their tension, and the silvery light on the bodies reminded Shepard of graveyards and ghosts. Not that she'd ever seen either. But the old holovids she watched as a kid always had the hero wandering alone on a moonlit night, mist rising around his ankles. There would be some sound to startle him, and when he turned, the monster would creep up...

The blast from Kaiden's pistol startled her. "Enemy engaged!" He shouted, edging toward a potted plant for cover.

Shepard turned and reflexively reached for her biotics, lifting the nearest Geth into the air. She whipped out her shotgun, fired once at the levitating synthetic, then dove behind a stairwell as it vocalized an electronic scream.

A quick check to her scanner revealed that it had been jammed by enemy sensors. She would be fighting blind. A quick glance around the stairwell, and her heart beat a measure faster. There had to be at least twenty Geth at the other end of the atrium. Who knew how many more were in the facility?

_Calm down. Focus. Just keep shooting until they're all dead. Be strong._

She took a deep breath, exhaled, then came around the stairwell, shotgun blazing.

Two Geth dropped immediately, and the gun cooled as Shepard searched for her next target, taking another shallow breath.

_Shoot on the exhale,_ her drill sergeant had said. _When you hold your breath, your body shakes, and your aim is off. Breathe, then shoot!_

The bright light of a Geth eye blinked in the distance, and a sniper shot whizzed past her ear. Shepard crouched to make herself a smaller target, and looked through the shotgun's sight.

_Don't aim for the head. Head's are small, easy to miss. Aim for the torso. Plenty of vital organs, bound to hit one of them._

She adjusted her aim below the bright light of the Geth eye, and pulled the trigger. The recoil hit her shoulder, and the Geth screamed as it dropped. Shepard turned to the next one.

There was a grunt behind her, and she turned in time to see Wrex stagger backwards, blood streaming from a wound in his leg.

"Alenko," she called, "Wrex is hit!"

The Lieutenant turned, his hand raised and glowing with biotics, his back against the pot he was using for cover. Shepard was about to turn back to her own battle when she saw a Geth sniper behind Kaiden, gun raised.

_No time! Shotgun's scatter is too wide, it could hit Kaiden. Move, damn you!_

"Kaiden! Down!"

He ducked immediately as Shepard switched to her pistol and fired. Her first shot went wild, over the Geth's head, but it took its attention off Kaiden, firing at her instead.

She felt the impact, felt it rip right through her shields and armor, and burn a hole in her side. Plasma seared her flesh, cauterizing the entry point while digging deeper into her muscle. Shepard hissed, her teeth grinding in the only display of pain she allowed herself.  
Her finger pulled the trigger again and again, until the Geth sank to its knees, vocalizer whining as it shut down. Kaiden, still aglow with biotics, reached for her.

"I'm all right," she shouted. "Don't exhaust yourself."

Kaiden drew back, eyebrows lowered in doubt and concern. Wrex crouched next to her, fully healed.

"What now, Shepard?"

She glanced around the atrium, spotted five more enemies, and pulled out her shotgun again.

"We need to know why they're here. Get to the administrative offices, download the logs, and fight our way back to the _Normandy_. We'll figure it out from there. Go."

Wrex and Kaiden moved ahead, taking down the remaining Geth. Shepard watched them out of the corner of her eye, one hand on the trigger. The other hand was reaching for a medpac.

It would only offer a temporary release. She knew that. But as she jabbed the needle in her side and felt the coolness spread along her inflamed muscles, she didn't care. As long as it got her through the next few minutes, she would be fine.

Time to move now, before the others got worried. She grimaced as she eased from her crouching position, but shook it off, searching for stray Geth she could have missed.

She could be strong now, for just a while longer.

_Be strong._

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** Thank you for reading, guys. Too bad I left you another cliffhanger! Muahahaha! That wound of Shepard's will cost her in the end...

The "breathe on the exhale" advice is actually from my old photojournalism teacher. She also worked as a sports photographer, and had all sorts of tricks for keeping the camera steady. Shepard 'shoots' in a different medium, but I felt the same principle applied.


	5. Saving You

**Author's Note:** I've gone over this chapter again and again. I'm still not sure about the narrative, and there's probably some OOC going on, but I really have to get this up tonight. See, I'm working again, and still going to school, and studying whenever I can. Recreational time (i.e. , time for writing fanfictions) is suddenly a very rare commodity.

Review are, as always, very appreciated. And let me give a shout-out to everyone who's added "Stay With Me" to their story alerts, story favorites, or both. You guys are awesome, and I wouldn't have any motivation at all without your alerts popping up in my email. Thanks! And you dogged reviewers who comment on every chapter, no matter how awful I think it is...you are Viking gods of rock. And Roman gods of kick-ass. Kudos.

* * *

Medi-gel had sealed the skin on her side, and Shepard felt almost normal as she walked, gun at the ready. Kaiden had his eye on her, she could tell. Wrex too, to a lesser extent. Let them. She was fine.

For now.

The corridors were carpeted so thickly that her feet sank half an inch into the plush. The walls glowed with tasteful holovids that likely cost a small fortune. To the left and right were shining, numbered doors, leading to the suites. It would have been a beautiful place were it not for the bloodstains and plasma scoring on the walls.

"Huh," Kaiden muttered. "Plenty of blood, but no bodies."

Shepard nodded, gripping the shotgun's stock tighter in her hands. "The Geth have probably set up dragon's teeth somewhere. They could have dragged the bodies there."

"Great," Wrex said. "More sparky freaks to shoot."

They continued on in silence, straining for any sound that might echo through the facility. Occasionally there would be a screech, too far away to place. None of them jumped or flinched when these sounds came. Instead, they hardened just a little more, coiled a spring just a bit tighter.

Only a few moments later, Shepard felt a ripple in her side, like a beast awakening. The pain was coming back.

_Not now! I thought I had more time!_

She raised her fist, signaling a halt. The others stopped, and Shepard crouched, momentarily stowing her gun as she activated her omni-tool. Opening the facility's blueprints would be a logical excuse; they were probably lost anyway.

Pain rose like a tide, and Shepard tensed, pretending to concentrate on the tool's orange screen. She gritted her teeth and waited for the wave to subside before she dared to stand again.

"We need to find some stairs," she said, drawing out her shotgun. "Administration's on the upper floors."

Emergency elevators worked just as well, actually. Shepard almost sighed with relief as they stepped into the car. It would take a moment for them to reach the next floor, and that was a good time to not move, holding back the pain a little longer.

Kaiden was checking his pistol, adjusting the energy gauge and firing inactive, then returning it to its proper state. She watched him, then caught herself at it and looked away.

_The mission. Focus on the mission. Why are the Geth here? Endymion isn't too far from the Armstrong Nebula, where they were based a few months ago. Still, I thought the Citadel had patrols here._

The elevator slid to a stop, and the door opened. A Geth armature waited outside, its eye charging with an electric current.

"Move!" She shouted, raising her hand, glowing with biotic light.

The armature rose into the air, paralyzed and wobbling like an overturned beetle. Shepard buckled under its weight, her implants buzzing. She moved out of the elevator with Kaiden and Wrex flowing out behind her, the Krogan tossing a grenade at the armature that was sinking back to the ground. Shepard ducked behind what looked like a desk.

It blew. The floor shook and chunks of wall and ceiling and Geth parts flew over her head. The last tremor hadn't died away before she was moving again, rolling to the next desk and peering over the top.

A shower of fire followed her, courtesy of ten Geth destroyers, the lumbering musclemen of the synthetics. One of them charged forward, and she fired once, twice, three times before it collapsed. Another followed almost immediately, but an invisible hand threw it back against the far wall, where it crackled and sparked. Shepard turned and saw Kaiden glowing with biotics.

The rest of the destroyers began to charge, and Shepard pushed and lifted and warped them, firing when they got close enough. Wrex charged in like a juggernaut, slamming the butt of his rifle into a Geth's chest plate. The thing shrieked, and Wrex twisted its head off.

The pain was gone, adrenaline and battle and gunsmoke beating it back. It lurked around the corner, waiting for its bite to be noticed. But for now, in the chaos of the fighting, she was free.

A hollow screech sent tremors up Shepard's spine. That sound was all to familiar. She turned and saw a wave of Geth husks stumble around the corner. What little skin they had left was grey and rotted, stretched over blue wires and electric pulses. This group was probably the administrative staff and the surviving guests.

"Heads up!" She called. "Husks!"

One of them spotted her and screeched before she could shoot it, alerting the others to her position. There were at least a dozen, and Shepard got off six shots with her shotgun before it overheated. The kept coming, and she pushed them back with biotics. They fell over, but didn't crash into the wall like she'd expected. Still, it was something. She pulled out her pistol and fired on the recovering husks, but the weaker pulses didn't do much damage.

_My biotics are drained. The shotgun is overheated, and it won't be long before the pistol is, too. Grenades. Do I have any grenades left?_

_Shit!_

The pistol burned and beeped, and she tossed it aside, pulling out her two remaining grenades. Three husks left.

She threw a grenade in the center of them, and two dropped. The last stumbled, and Shepard stopped breathing.

It raised its head and stared at her with electric eyes. The mouth opened, revealing The blue and black currents that were once teeth, and screeched. It shuffled forward and broke into a charge. Arms outstretched. Straight for her.

She reached for the last grenade, but it was too close already, too close, too close. One last biotic stretch, a half-hearted barrier.

The husk slammed into her, exploding in a lightshow of electricity and flesh. Shepard was knocked back, her barrier and shields disintegrating, her wound splitting above the medi-gel seal. She grunted as she slammed into a desk, the breath knocked out of her, and slid to the floor.

Kaiden turned when he heard the husk screech. His heart stopped, and he swung his gun around, trying to fire before the husk slammed into her. Too late.

Shepard went flying, and Kaiden raced after her, blasting apart the last Geth that stood in his way. When he finally reached her, his eyes widened, and he felt frozen in horror. Blood pooled from Shepard's left side, her chest rising and falling in shallow, ragged breaths. One leg twisted at an unnatural angle.

Fear twisted his insides. _No, no, not her. Please, not her. She's so strong! How could anything happen to her?_

"Wrex!" He shouted, kneeling beside her. "Wrex, Shepard's hit! Call the _Normandy_, we're going to need immediate medical and evac!"

The Lieutenant turned back to her, and found her eyes locked on his. One shaking hand reached out, grabbing his arm and pulling him closer. He leaned in, one ear beside her mouth.

"The logs," she said. "We have to know what happened. Get the...the logs..."

Her eyes fluttered, and Kaiden shook her.

"Don't you fall asleep, Shepard! Open your eyes! Here, we have medi-gel, we can seal up the wound."

Kaiden reached for the packet, placed it on the reopened wound. The blood flow slowed and stopped, and he reached for his biotics.

Weak. He was so weak right now. All those Geth, too many biotic attacks when his pistol had overheated. His head pounded, his implants buzzed. He didn't have enough strength to save her.

_Rahna crying, her arm broken._

_Jane, shoving him aside on Eden Prime, saving him from the unknown danger. Jane, lying in a hospital bed. Saving him from certain death on Virmire. Emerging from the rubble of Citadel Tower, limping. Taking the Geth sniper's hit for him. Refusing to be treated, her back stiff with pain._

Shepard's eyes began to slide closed again. Kaiden reached down, cupping her face in his hands, shaking her gently.

_"_Jane, please, stay with me! Don't fall asleep. Please!"

Wrex lumbered over, craning his short neck to see Shepard. Kaiden felt like snarling at him, wanting him to stay as far away from her as possible.

"Shepard still wants the administrator logs," he said. "Get those, will you?"

The Krogan watched him for a moment, then shrugged and walked away, into the next room.

"Kaiden?"

He turned back to her, his thumbs brushing her cheeks. "I'm here, Jane."

"The logs..."

"Don't worry. Wrex is getting them right now. We'll have you back on the _Normandy_ in no time, and you'll be all right."

She smiled. Then she tried lifting a hand to his face, but the slight movement made her cringe, her face lined with pain.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"What, about getting shot?" Kaiden asked. "Don't apologize, that was my fault. What kind of medic doesn't notice when his commander is wounded?"

"Not about that. I should...I should have told you. About Project Revelations."

Kaiden wanted to scream. He wanted to shake her and tell her how stupid she was acting and make love to her then and there. She was critically wounded, perhaps fatally so. And her last moments were being spent apologizing for his own foolish mistakes?

"Jane Shepard, listen to me," he said. "This is my fault. You took that hit, and I ignored your obvious signs of distress. Any decent medic or soldier could have spotted it right off.

"And that project. You were right about that. Something like that is bigger than all of us. I shouldn't have gotten upset. But it felt like I was losing you, when all I've wanted is to stay by your side.

"I'll make you a deal, okay? You stay with me now, stay alive until the doctor can have a look at you. Then you can go wherever you want. You'll never have to see me again. Just stay with me now."

Shepard smiled again. "Deal."

"I've got the administrator's OSD," Wrex called. "And _Normandy_'s on it's way down."

Kaiden waited, not daring to move his commander, lest the wound rip open above the medi-gel again. He waited, listened as the _Normandy_'s engines roared overhead. He waited while Wrex guided the medical team with his comm. He waited and watched as Dr. Chakwas and her assistants placed Shepard onto an anti-grav stretcher and ran her back to the ship. Kaiden ran beside her as her eyes began to close again, and he waited for them to reopen. And when they finally reached the medbay, he waited outside the doors, pacing back and forth, the crew watching his every move. He waited until Chakwas finally let him in, hours later.

Shepard seemed so small, lying on the medbay cot in nothing but a thin cotton robe. Her breathing had resumed its regular pace, and he sat beside her, watching her sleep.

_I can't seem to protect you like I should. You're always the one who saves me. From my past, from the present, from my fears for the future. I love you for that. I just wish I could return the favor once in a while._

He watched her as the infinite night of space rolled on around them, and the _Normandy_ hovered above the moonlit skies of Endymion.

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** Man, the fluff is just spewing out of every orifice. Fluffier than a sheep in a static storm, that's what it is. Yup. Some of you asked for action, which I believe I delievered. You know, what with the blood and guns and flying robots. But others requested Shenko fluff, and I hope you're satisfied for this chapter. Now I'm off to bed, and you should be, too. Thanks for reading, and please feel free to point out any inaccuracies you may notice.


	6. You, Always

**Author's Note:** Wow, I'm back! You thought I was gone for good, didn't you? But it wasn't my fault, really. My laptop up and died (as those of you that check my profile will know) and it took the Geek Squad a few weeks to sort it out. The chapter itself was mostly finished, thank god. So here you go.

There's plenty of fluff, but also a slight advancement in the Endymion plot. Those of you who have played the game 5.6 billion times (like me) will notice the similarities with the original dialogue. It was intentional.

By the by, has anyone else noticed how often the phrase "stay with me" shows up in Mass Effect dialogue? Especially the romance plot. It's even a paragon dialogue option with Kaiden en route to Ilos. Cool, neh?

* * *

Commander Shepard dreamed.

The Prothean visions played themselves over and over, flashes of death and blood and monsters known as Reapers. The last whispers of the dying race echoed against the roar of machines. _They are here, they are killing! Flee, flee, all is lost!_

_Why didn't you fight? Why didn't you face them?_ Shepard's own mind shouted, a mote within a galaxy of stars. The reply of the trillions dead made her smaller still.

_They are within! They are here! All is lost!_

And then, and then...planets, bathed in red. Red of war, red of blood. And one planet where, deep within, claws reached and a Reaper waited.

_They are within! They are here! _

_All is lost._

_Shepard..._

"Shepard? Dr. Chakwas, she's waking up."

A bright light flashed in her eyes, and Shepard lifted her arm to push it away. Pain lanced up her side, and she winced.

"It would be wise to sit still, Commander. Those Geth really did a number on you this time."

The light switched off. Shepard could make out the light grey blur that had to be the doctor's hair. She blinked, trying to clear her vision.

"What happened?" She asked. No good, everything was still too blurry. She started to reach for her eyes, but a strong hand grabbed hers.

"Stay still, Commander."

"Kaiden?" Shepard said, as her eyes finally focused on the dark features of the lieutenant. _Not a lieutenant for much longer._

"How long was I out?" She asked. "And what happened, exactly?"

"You let your wound get worse," Kaiden said. "I should have spotted it right off." His hand had not let go of hers, and he squeezed it gently.

"The battle really wore you down," he continued. "And then a husk got close enough to you to combust. I couldn't stop it."

_Pain and blood, smoke and deafening gunshots. The feeling of her side being ripped open. A burst of electricity, a giant hand slamming her away. Kaiden's voice._

He couldn't look her in the eye. Shepard squeezed his hand, trying to comfort.

"I was stupid," she said. "I shouldn't have fought with a wound like that, and I could have at least ducked when I saw that husk. None of this was your fault."

His dark eyes met hers, and, almost imperceptibly, he smiled.

"You were quite lucky to make it back to the ship alive, Commander," Chakwas said. "As it is, you need to rest for a few days, at least."

"How bad is it?" Shepard asked as the doctor pulled a needle out of her arm.

"You lost a lot of blood," Dr. Chakwas replied, "though we were able to pump you with synth blood almost immediately. Your right leg is broken and there are a few bruised ribs on your left side, but the tissue is healing nicely."

Shepard moved her head just enough to see the lump of bandages on her side beneath the medical smock.

"That's where I got hit in that battle with Sovreign, too," she said. "Ouch."

"You do seem to have the worst luck, Commander," Chakwas continued. "Still, you should be fine if you let yourself rest."

"Depends on how much time I have," Shepard said. She turned to Kaiden. "How much longer until our deadline?"

"You were out for a few days," he said. "We have a week left, but it will take at least three days to get back to the Citadel."

Shepard frowned and stared up at the ceiling. Four days? Not enough time. Not for a thorough investigation. At least, not for her.

She would have to send out ground squads to clear out any remaining Geth. Surface scans to check for colossi or armatures. Then Tali and Garrus could get a closer look at the place, maybe check for transmissions like the one they'd found on Feros. Who knew? Maybe this was another assault from the veil.

"The logs," she said. "Did you get them?"

Kaiden nodded. "Yes, ma'am. Wrex put them on an OSD, and Tali's working on it right now."

"Good." Shepard glanced at the doctor, who left the room. "Now let's get down to business."

The medbay nearly turned into a command ops center. Crewmen and women came in and out all day, receiving orders, relaying information, and occasionally checking her health.

"Give me a break!" The commander snapped at the latest doctor with a needle. "I'm fine!"

Kaiden had to restrain a laugh. The woman was indomitable. Anyone else might still be unconscious from the beating she'd gotten, but at this moment she had Tali reporting her latest news.

"The encryption is unusually complex, Commander," the Quarian said. Her synthesized voice still sounded so strange, as though she herself was a machine. "The guests must have been very important to warrant such security."

"Endymion is--was--a very expensive resort," Shepard replied. "Mostly honeymooners, but there should have been enough illicit activity to keep the owners cautious. What have you been able to find out?"

"Almost nothing important," Tali said, ducking her head in embarrassment. "The weeks before the attack were mundane, and the day before is very heavily encoded. I'm still working on it."

Shepard nodded, then glared at the medic who had just stuck another needle in her arm. She turned back to Tali.

"I'd like a copy of those logs when you're done," she said. "In the meantime, help Garrus on the surface."

"Yes, Commander." The quarian stood, nodded to Kaiden, and then left the room. So did most of the other crewmembers. Shepard glared as the last medic left the room before she turned to look at Kaiden.

"How are you holding up?" He asked. His voice was quiet, the way it had been when they used to flirt beside her quarters. Sometimes she had had to watch his mouth to be sure he had spoken. Of course, there were other reasons to watch his mouth.

_He asked you a question, Shepard._

"I'm all right," she said. "A little tired."

He shifted. "Do you want me to leave?"

She snorted. "Leaving yourself a way out again, Alenko? I thought we were past that."

Kaiden grinned. "I think I've got a sure thing here."

The smile faded. "That is, if you want me to be."

Shepard tried to turn to face him, flinched from the pain, and settled for turning her head. "Kaiden, do you remember what you said before I passed out? Because I do. Maybe it was adrenaline. Maybe you only said it because you thought I was going to die. But you asked me to stay with you, for as long as I wanted.

"Kaiden, I want you beside me for as long as possible. Stay with me."

The lieutenant sat down next to her bed, reaching for her hand. "That's not going to be easy after we get back to the Citadel. Just how far away are you going to be?"

She gripped his hand. "I can't say. A few systems, maybe more."

"That's a long way, Shepard." Kaiden leaned in close, brushing a strand of her hair away from her eyes.

"It's not forever, Kaiden," she said. "When someone else gets to be the hero, I want you to be there."

Kaiden smiled. "Always."

He bent his head and kissed her, gentle and calm and sure. It was a promise. It was forever.

And this time, there was no interruption from Joker or anyone else.

* * *

**Final Author's Note: **So there you are. Thoughts? Comments? Rabid hate mail?

Seriously though, I'm worried that I lost some of the tone over the last few weeks. Critiques are always appreciated.


	7. Your Fear

**Author's Note:** At long last, the next chapter is here! I apologize deeply for the long wait; after many, many technical difficulties and many writer's blocks, I finally got to finish the chapter. And so I dedicate it to you, my readers. If there are any of you left. I don't blame you, it's been far too long.

Ironically enough, Shepard is also alone this time, unsure of when she'll see her love again. Surely you can relate.

* * *

Commander Jane Shepard slept.

She was not sprawled over the comfortable bed in the captain's quarters, or even sharing a bunk with one of her crew. No, she slept cramped and confined, a still figure in one of the sleeper pods usually reserved for lesser crewmen.

And here, she was one.

Spectres, she had discovered, had their own strict hierarchy. Asari and Turians were considered the best, and treated accordingly. They were given their own sections of the ship, and shared bunks only rarely. Salarians, the next rung down, slept in closer, cramped quarters. They didn't particularly mind this, as their matriarchal, close-knit society made them prefer crowding anyway.

But what to do about the lone human Spectre? She certainly didn't deserve an entire portion of the ship. No other species would share bunks with a human. And she couldn't have her own bed if no one else received the same honor.

So. Relegated to the pods like an engineer. Who said prejudice had died in the galaxy?

Kaiden would have died in here. He could get claustrophobic sometimes, and rides in the tiny cabin of the Mako were hell for him.

Shepard felt herself falling when she thought about him. Over and over, her own mind screamed, _You idiot, how could you let him go? Idiot, idiot, idiot!_

When they'd docked at the Citadel, Kaiden had had his arms wrapped around her, their legs tangled together, as they lay in bed. He had kissed her ear one last time, longingly, regretfully, before making the subtle motions that indicated his rising. Shepard had gripped him harder.

"We'll be late," he murmured, sinking back down to her.

She turned to look at him. "I have to tell you," she said. "I have to be honest with you."

"Is this about the mission?" He'd asked, his face serious and expectant.

"Yes. Kaiden—I was directed to give you minimum detail. You're a captain, and you'll have your own ship, but...that's not everything. I can't..." she sighed and continued, "...there's a reason they chose you. Not too many Jump Zero alumni are still active and able members of the military."

Kaiden's expression was grim, but he nodded. "I understand. I should probably act surprised when they fill me in, though." He smiled a bit.

"That's not all of it. Project Noah—"

He put one finger over her mouth, silencing her more effectively than a bullet ever could. The words died in her as he leaned in, mouth meeting hers in warmth and need and quiet comfort.

She became aware of him, of the texture of his lips, the scratches of his unshaven cheeks. She felt the scars on his body, the small hairs that covered his skin and made him feel rough against her, the tight muscles and the warmth and the scent of _him_, of Kaiden Alenko. She didn't want to lose this. She wanted him to have every part of her, even the unspoken words that she carried like armor.

When he pulled away, she opened her mouth to speak again, but he cut her off. "Project Noah is your business," he said. "I'm glad you told me about my new...post, but you were right. Some things should stay secret." He ran a finger through her hair, and that was that.

They seemed lodged in her throat, those words, the knowledge of Project Noah that haunted her. And there, in the sleeping pod of the ship _Asphodel_, she whispered them to no one but herself.

_...it was a lie._

Shepard's eyes flicked open, and the pod automatically began to open in response. She stepped out, stretching her arms and rolling her head. The ship hummed around her, the slight vibrations thrumming through her boots. And then there was a heavier, patterned vibration that echoed around the metal walkway. Shepard looked up to see the Turian approaching, his face painted in bands of blue and red.

Her body stiffened, eyes narrowing. The Turian glared at her as he walked past, and Shepard watched him closely. Despite her camaraderie with Garrus, the Turian Spectres appeared to hate her. That had been made clear from the moment she had come aboard.

One of them, his face painted nearly all black, had put her in a chokehold. "So this is the fool from Eden Prime?" He'd spat.

Shepard had inched her hand down her leg, choked out, "Saren attacked Eden Prime. I stopped him. Does that...make me a fool?"

The Turian had tightened his grip. "You were a fool to let Nihilus be murdered. He was a friend to all of us, and killed him, you stupid human!"

"Saren...killed him," Shepard gasped. She was running out of air, her sight darkening.

"No!" He said, "No! You blame another Turian, another Spectre, for your mistakes. I know your game, human, and I will _not_ let you win!"

Knife in hand, Shepard swung her arm upward. She felt the blade scrape his carapace, and the soft give of his eye.

He'd screamed and let her go, and she had backed away. His comrades, Turians and Asari alike, had come running, the _Asphodel_'s captain not far behind. If the captain hadn't been there, Shepard knew there would have been far more trouble than she could handle. As it was, the captain had left her with a warning.

"Brius is a troublemaker, I know, but you're no victim, yourself. There will be no fighting on my ship. Either make friends, or stay away."

Her attacker, Brius, had been left with a scar, and Shepard had gained a healthy dose of wariness. Guns were not allowed to be carried out of dorms, but she kept at least two knives on her at all times. Other Spectres say the new edge in her eyes, the warning in her stance, and stayed away.

Mealtimes were hard, though. She sat alone, a screw in a pile of nails. Oh, yes, she was most definitely screwed.

_Cut it out, Shepard,_ she thought. _No time for pity. Besides, you've had worse before. Remember?_

Yes, she'd been alone before. With both parents in the Navy, she'd been alone most of her life. But at least then there had been other navy brats like her, sympathetic friends to turn to. Here? Nothing. Nothing but the emptiness of space.

_Strong. Be strong. Nothing else to be. Not loved, not wanted, not liked. Just be strong._

"Hey."

Shepard turned, tense, and this time there was a Salarian there. For large, bug-eyed lizards, they were remarkably fast and silent. "Hey," she said, eyes narrowed with suspicion.

He blinked, frowning. "You are the one that saved Captain Kirrahe and his men?"

Hesitant, she nodded.

The movement was sudden; Shepard already had one hand on a knife when she saw. He had not moved to strike her, or point fingers. Instead, his palm extended outwards in an unmistakable handshake.

"This is how you greet humans, yes?" He asked. Shepard nodded and took his hand, pumping it gently.

"I want to thank you," he said. "Captain Kirrahe is my brother. He spoke to me of your bravery in the line of fire, and the service you did for his men. I commend you for that, human."

"Shepard." She replied. "Commander Shepard."

"And I am Captain Varook. Good day to you, and good luck."

They broke apart, and the Salarian, Varook, disappeared around the corner. Shepard looked down at her hand, shaking slightly.

_Well_, she thought, _it's a start._

* * *

**Final Note: **Well, there it is, and I hope you enjoyed it. I've tried to get back to the elegant and dynamic writing style I had at oh, say, Chapter 5, but it doesn't seem to be working.

School is starting up again, and all of you are familiar with my lazy habits. "Oh, no," you cry, "surely we are not to encounter another drought? Say it isn't so!"

Fear not, brave readers! I am thorougly pumped up for the next chapter, in which there will be much action and (a little) Shenko fluff. Glory!


	8. What You Left Behind

**Author's Note:** Oh, my. It has been a while, hasn't it? I apologize. You've all been very gracious, especially the new readers/reviewers who saw how long it had been since an update and still held out hope anyway. For the new folks on the bandwagon, welcome!

Funny thing, how this got written. The first three paragraphs sat on the computer for months, sprouting molding and lighting fires at school to get my attention. But I had several issues with it, and so it sat. And sat. And sat. Until today. Very, very early this morning (in the wee hours), I finished the latest chapter of Fables: Unlocked. And I thought, 'Great, that was a good warm up. Now let's do Stay With Me.' 'But I'm tired.' 'Oh, but I won't let you update Unlocked until you've updated SWM first.' 'Very well, you fiendish devil.'

So you see, my inner editor is who you have to thank. She is quite bossy and very cranky because I won't smoke, and she doesn't shut up unless I throw chocolate or chapters at her. (I know all of it sounds mad. It was 3 am when I had that conversation, and it's 3 am now. I'm functioning on sugar and willpower alone.)

And so we go. Enjoy the new chapter, everyone.

* * *

_They've got to be kidding_, Kaidan thought. _This is a military-funded station, and I only have one bag. So how could they lose my luggage?!_

Not that it would have been too difficult, mind. The galaxy was such a chaotic mess; it was easy to believe that everyone had lost something. For most, it was their sense of security. Others had lost family and friends. Really, Kaidan could count himself lucky that he'd only lost his bag.

But that didn't make it any less annoying.

"Captain Alenko?" The receptionist waved a hand in front of his face, jolting him from his thoughts. "The admiral will see you now."

Kaidan stood, making his way past the other captains waiting in the reception hall and through the steel doors at the far end. Admiral Hackett sat at the far end of the private office, arguing with the doctor seated behind a large desk.

"We're not forcing them into anything," Hackett was saying, his usual gravelly tone sounding strained and tired. "Every one of them is of legal age, and—"

"And you would be well within your rights to forbid this!" The woman responded, rising from her chair. "They are not fit for a mission of this magnitude, and it would be irresponsible to—"

It seemed appropriate at this point to cough, announcing his presence. The doctor immediately snapped her mouth shut and turned to glare at him. Her bangs were cut in a descending 'V' over her forehead, immediately giving her a stern and hawk-like appearance. Kaidan nodded to her, and turned to salute the admiral.

"At ease," the admiral waved his hand before Kaidan could say a word. "Sit down, Captain Alenko. There's a lot we need to discuss, and very little time to do it in. This is Dr. Montague."

"Captain," the doctor nodded, her words clipped. "Please, have a seat."

Kaidan pulled one of the nearby chairs closer to the desk, and saw a large stack of files piled there. From the size of each file disk, there had to be a terabyte of data on each one. What were they for? Judging from the doctor's expression, it was probably something ethically questionable. It began to feel like Noveria all over again.

"It's good to see you again," Hackett began, taking his seat at the edge of the desk. "Sovereign's attack took a lot of good men. Glad you weren't one of them."

"That makes two of us, sir," Kaidan replied. "Though to be honest, I'm wondering just what I'm doing here."

"This is your debriefing, captain." Hackett said. "Project Ascension is classified enough that we can avoid the reporters stalking the Citadel embassy. And I wanted to meet each of my captains personally. There's also the added bonus of allowing you to meet with your new recruits right away."

"Recruits?" Kaidan asked, leaning forward in his chair. "I thought that this was a facility for training and studying biotic children."

"Precisely!" The doctor exploded. "There is no reason to expect these children to function any better than seasoned recruits! They have spent most of their lives on this station; if you just throw them out there, they will wind up dead within minutes!" She pushed several discs into the open slots of her desk, bringing up holograms roughly half a foot tall. The holograms were of four teenagers, two boys and two girls, each one barely eighteen years old. Though all of them, especially the boys, had the raw, rough look of an early and unfinished adult, there was still enough baby fat present to make them look like the children they were.

Kaidan sat back. "I have to say, sir," he said, "so far, I agree with Dr. Montague. They don't look like much."

Hackett sighed. "I know it. But we there's really not much choice, here. The Spectres are gone, for the time being. The few that remained behind are strictly to protect the council. But the galaxy still needs to be looked after, so each council race is contributing arms, manpower, whatever they've got.

"I said that we lost a lot of good men at the Citadel. I wasn't kidding. Do you know how many crews were lost? Far too many. And we were the lucky ones. So now we're short of ships, and short of men. Why do you think you jumped rank so quickly? We need officers to lead these kids, people who know what they're doing, who know how to stay alive. You've proven yourself, Alenko. I think you can handle this."

"And I tell you that I do not want to risk my charges on new officers!" Dr. Montague interjected.

"Doctor," Hackett said, his voice dropping, "you act like either of us has a choice."

There was a silence between them then, where Kaidan looked at the holograms, studying the faces of the young biotics. They seemed so familiar, so close to the students from BAaT. Brain Camp had likely been far more intense than Project Ascension. The newness of biotics, the danger and secrecy and stigma of it, had made every day seem both unreal and far too physical. In this next generation before him, the very thing that had set him apart was beginning to be accepted as commonplace. There were fewer mistakes. Somehow, things could be different.

"Have any of them completed basic yet?" Kaidan asked. Hackett relaxed a fraction, one less weight off of his shoulders, and began scrolling through files via his lit omni-tool.

"You could say that they've been in basic for years," Hackett replied. "Most of their trainers are retired marines, and their biotic lessons are the same that the Alliance developed." He glanced briefly at the doctor, one eyebrow flickered vaguely upward, but snapped back to the screen so quickly that Kaidan wasn't sure that he'd seen it.

"Still, we want them to go through official basic, prepare them the best we can," Hackett continued. "It's going to take around two months to get your crew together anyway."

"If that is all, gentlemen?" Doctor Montague slid the four discs out of her desk, returning them to the pile. "I have documents that Director Sanders will have to sign before you leave. Excuse me."

As the doctor left, Admiral Hackett stood, opening up his omni-tool once more. "I'm sending you the files for your recruits as we speak, as well as all the details you'll need for your mission. Good luck, captain."

Kaidan saluted. "Thank you, sir. It's been an honor." Then he turned and left.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

#

The files took hours to sort through. After the briefing the staff had escorted him to one of the guest rooms, a cubicle with metal walls and a cot for a bed. Settling in, he had decided to look at the data on the Ascension students first, which had been his biggest mistake. A large chunk of the information was test results, charts measuring biotic ability, and overall performance records. There was no denying that it was useful to some degree, but Kaidan wished he could put some sort of filter on it. He saw no need to see the microcosmic increase in biotic ability during the fifth test of the student's eighth year.

And these kids were another thing entirely. Their abilities were about on par with an Alliance biotic, but he did not look forward to breaking in these puppies.

Rhona Solis, blonde and tiny. The training reports spoke highly of her, though Kaidan wondered if there wasn't some sort of exaggeration happening there.

Esme Alácran looked more promising, her stiff posture and serious face reminding him of Captain—no, _Councilman_ Anderson. She also received high marks, though this time Kaidan believed them.

Jacen Shanahan seemed to be the straight shooter; his marks were average, he was generally approved of, and there were no discipline citations on his record. Kaidan didn't look at his grade school reports, but if he had, he was sure there would have been the standard, "Jacen is a pleasure to have in class."

The last file was the biggest, holding two terabytes of data, most of it disciplinary infractions. Aldon Makara had a cocky grin and an attitude that plainly said, "Just try and make me." Yet his biotic scores were the highest in his class, with more potential to grow than the rest of them put together.

Kaidan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This did not look to be easy. Every one of these kids would need work in one way or another.

After a short break, he pulled up the files on his new ship. He did a double-take, checked that the source was correct, and looked again.

He had been given the _SSV Normandy_.

Turning off the omni-tool, Kaidan collapsed on his cot, a headache boiling in the back of his brain.

_Shepard,_ he thought, _they're giving me your ship._

It seemed so final, to captain the ship that he had always considered hers. It felt too much like a funeral, when all the goods were parceled out. His fist clenched as he fought the idea, refusing the image of Shepard's death. She wouldn't die. There were times when he believed she _couldn't_ die, like a goddess of myth. She would have to be Athena, then. War and wisdom, all in one.

He wondered where she was, what distant far-flung star shone as her nearest guide. In his mind's eye he saw an inky blackness stretch out before him, and at the end of it she stood on a foreign deck, staring out, looking back for him. She almost felt near enough to touch. And then her features began to swim and wrap around him, and Kaidan was vaguely aware that he was slipping into a dream.

_Shepard. Stay here. Stay with me._

Insubstantial as smoke, as dreams, as myth, she slipped out of his fingers and into the starry depths of space.

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** Ah, all done. Nice long chapter this time, hmm? Next time we'll be returning to Commander Shepard and her adventures with the Spectres. Kaidan will return later. So until then, be well and do good work!


	9. Your Path

**Author's Note:** Well, look at that! Longest chapter yet, and you only had to wait a month for it! Pretty good, considering my track record.

This was written in short sips rather than long swallows like I usually do, and the only thing that kept me opening the file every night and staring at the screen for an hour were the reviews people sent, and the new readers who kept popping up. You know who you are, and I'm glad you decided to join us. Many thanks as well to long-time readers such as ilmiopassato, katzy85, Athena Solaris, and many others. All of you rock.

The ending of this chapter was written to the song "Dante" from the Fullmetal Alchemist soundtrack. It's a very haunting, almost otherworldly song, and really fits the last scene.

And now we return to Jane Shepard, who has journeyed into Dark Space with the other Spectres on a top-secret mission...

* * *

Shepard awoke from a daydream with Kaidan's scent in her mind.

_Thank whatever God there is that he's not here right now,_ she thought. _Because I think this is the closest to hell I'm going to get before I die._

The frigate burned hard, trying to get close enough to a Reaper ship for some of its Spectre crew to board without getting blown to pieces. Two other ships were spinning somewhere out in the darkness, their own load of Spectres sweating from heat and tensed energy.

Shepard wondered if they felt as hot as she did.

Her hands gripped the assault rifle she held. She didn't dare touch anything else; the static from her biotics was running so high that a slight shock would be very, very painful for anyone who felt it. She could almost see her biotic aura, though she was trying to keep it tampered. The asari appeared to have the same problem, faint purple lines glowing in a corona around their bodies.

A rumble, a crunch, and they were thrown to one side, gripping the handholds above for dear life.

Next to her, the salarian captain, Varook, said, "We are close now. Prepare to run."

Her legs tightened.

The final, shuddering jolt. Metal shrieking. And the airlock door slammed open, revealing the innards of a black, twisted nightmare of inorganics.

The Spectres poured in, boots pounding, eyes narrowed, searching for the fight. Shepard was the furthest from the door, and the last one out. She felt the airlock shut behind her, the shudder of engines as the ship took off. Until they re-established radio contact with the _Asphodel_, they were on their own.

From the plans available of Sovereign's structure, they needed to head up through the ship, through main body to the "tentacle" end. The pace was swift; Shepard felt more sweat pour down her back.

Something was not right. The Reapers had woken once they were in range. This one must know that it had boarded. Where were the defenses?

_It's a subtle whisper you can't ignore, it compels you to do things without knowing why...over days, perhaps a week, the subject stops thinking for themselves and just obeys, eventually becoming a mindless servant...I am not myself, I never will be again...claws at my mind..._

They would not have long before they got tired. And then they would be vulnerable. How long before the dark, twisted hallways, confusions of wire and metal, turned them into shambling husks?

Shepard looked at each of the Spectres around her, and began counting the time as they charged deep into the Reaper.

#

When they finally stopped to rest, Shepard could hardly stand. The constant adrenaline rush had worn her out, and she'd had to make use of her biotics to keep up with the others. Calls of a halt came from the front, and when the group finally slowed and stopped, Shepard fell into a squat. She rubbed at her ribcage, trying to stop the burning that spread from her lungs through her torso.

How long had they been there? Hours? Days? Her helmet's digital readout had been scrambled into an unrecognizable code, and her internal clock was absolutely no good in space, where time and daylight disappeared.

This first expedition was more of a test than anything else. How quickly could forty Spectres bring down a single Reaper? Days would mean that their task was near impossible--from the glimpses she'd caught out of the ship's windows, there had been hundreds of Reapers. Who knew how many more were out there? Three squads, each squad taking one Reaper a week, three a week, fifty-two weeks in a standard earth year, one hundred fifty-six Reapers a year...

They might never get out of this.

Optimistically, then. Each squad kills one Reaper a day. Seven days in a standard earth week, twenty-one times fifty-two, one thousand ninety-two Reapers a year.

That sounded better. She could live with that number. If there were only _hundreds_, they might even go home in only a few months. Simple enough goal. Kill one Reaper each day, period.

She could do that.

"Commander Shepard?"

An asari leaned into her line of sight, frowning. "Commander, are you well?"

Shepard raised an eyebrow. _What kind of question is that, in a place like this?_ "I'm fine. Just thinking."

Captain Varook looked up from where he was sitting nearby. "Thinking about what, Shepard? I believe our objective is clear enough."

"I know what we have to do," Shepard replied. "I'm just wondering how exactly we're going to do it. Running the numbers through my head, you know, and if it takes too long just to bring down one--"

"Then how can we destroy the rest?" Varook said, leaning his head on his hands. "It is quite a dilemma. There was not nearly enough data gathered on Sovreign."

"Presumably," the asari said, "it is expected that we might be able to sabotage the Reaper systems, destroying whatever central core they possess."

Shepard leaned forward, her hands clasped above her knees. "That's assuming they even have one," she said. "Who knows how these things run?"

They sat quietly then, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Shepard absentmindedly pulled out a nutrition bar from her pack and began eating, settling back to let her legs stretch out in front of her. One of the turians behind her began to cough, the noise echoing in the dark metal hallway ahead.

Shepard wanted an enemy. Hordes of geth would have been preferable to this, this _emptiness_. It was like an old horror movie on the vids, where the house was evil enough to drive the people there crazy. Sometimes they would see ghosts, tempters sent by the house itself to pull in the victims. And the only way out, the only way to leave with your life, was to either destroy the house or run away.

"No running," Shepard murmured.

"Agreed," said the asari. "We will have to assume a slower pace, or risk tiring ourselves too much."

Any enemy, even a ghost. Something to _shoot_ at. Instead they got to run around dark and twisty hallways, holding their rifles like security blankets. And then, just to cap it off, they would turn into zombies.

"That's it," Shepard stood up, her legs still aching. "I need to kill something, and it might as well be a Reaper. Let's go."

Some of the turians glared at her, but Varook and several others stood up, the frustration on their faces matching Shepard's own. Eventually, all the Spectres were up again, stretching their limbs and checking their guns. Shepard pulled out her pistol, holding it in front of her as she jogged off.

The asari who'd spoken to her before jogged beside her, holding a shotgun in her slim hands. "What do you plan to do, Shepard?" She asked.

"If I don't see something significant in the next five minutes, I'm going to pull open a panel and start cutting wires," Shepard snapped. "What did _you_ have in mind?"

Without so much as a twitch of an eyebrow, the asari replied, "I was just going to start shooting at the walls, but your idea sounds more reasonable."

Shepard almost stopped running, but a push from someone behind her got her moving again. "You were going to _shoot _the _walls_?"

"I wasn't sure if it would trigger a response, of course. But I feel angry enough to try anything against this monstrosity."

"Okay then," Shepard nodded. "Just who are you, anyway?"

"Losara Tanollis. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise. Hey, time's up! Help me with this panel here."

The asari, Losara, turned and fired. Shepard jumped back as the panel blasted away, exposing a wall of wires and cables. All of them were the same black color as the rest of the ship.

"Who are our tech people?" Shepard called out.

Salarians, turians, and asari made their way to the panel, the entire group having stopped when Losara fired. A few were already pulling out omni-tools, the familiar orange glow lighting up the hall. Shepard backed away to give the Spectres room, and felt something sharp press against her back, between the ceramic plating of her armor.

"Move and you die," a voice growled in her ear. A voice with the double harmonics of a turian. That would be a knife at her back, then. The Spectres around her appeared not to notice, their attention focused on the group at the panel. Behind her and the knife-wielder was the solid wall of the ship.

"This is stupid, Brius," Shepard murmured. "We're in the middle of a mission, surrounded by witnesses."

The knife dug into her back. "Spectres often die on missions. And everyone here would side with me, human. I will not let you take the glory in this victory."

Shepard turned her head a fraction, glimpsing the painted black face of the turian who had attacked her only a few days before. The scar she'd given him stood out in a pale, jagged line. He looked absolutely smug, twisting the knife against her. The idiot had no idea what was coming.

"You don't get it, do you?" She whispered. "There's not going to be any victory here."

"Have you led us to our doom then, human?" Brius leaned closer, growling in her ear. "Did you mean to entrap us here, kill us all? I will not let you."

As he spoke, Shepard's hand had inched to her own knife. The turian grabbed her, twisting her palm against her wrist. Shepard winced in pain.

"And I will not fall for the same trick twice," Brius continued. "I will end you here."

"Fine," Shepard said. "But that won't save any of us. The Reapers don't even have to fight us. Indoctrination will set in, Brius. You won't stop it, because no matter how fast you destroy them, indoctrination is faster. All it takes is weeks, if that. You'll lose your mind. All of us will."

His grip on her hand intensified, straining her wrist and almost causing Shepard to cry out. "Lies!" Brius said. "Lies!"

"You don't have to believe me," Shepard said through gritted teeth. "But it's going to happen anyway."

"The council would not send us on...on a suicide mission!" Brius said. "It is a lie!"

"The council didn't have a choice. Better to send their best, and maybe win, than sit and do nothing. At least this way, even if we all die, we can send reports back, and the galaxy will have some idea of what it's facing."

Shepard felt the grip on her arm slacken, and she sighed in relief as the pain eased. The knife remained where it was, though.

"I do not believe that the council would throw us away so carelessly," Brius said. His voice sounded flat, as though a fire raging inside him had turned to ashes.

"We're not being thrown away," Shepard replied. She thought of Kaidan, of the _Normandy_ and its crew. "We were asked to defend the galaxy, and that's exactly what we're doing."

The knife pulled away from her back as Varook came through the crowd. He spotted her, and walked up.

"That was a good call, Shepard," the salarian said. "There are no guarantees with such foreign technology, but we believe we may have some primary systems cables here."

"Great," Shepard said, taking a small step away from Brius. Varook glanced at the turian, whose hunched shoulders and stooped head made him appear beaten, and then flicked his eyes back to Shepard.

"They should be cutting the cables in a moment," Varook continued. "From there we will return to the entry point, setting charges as we go. Once the _Asphodel_ has arrived, we will detonate."

Shepard nodded as the lights dimmed, flickered, and went out. The techs immediately switched on the lights on their helmets and set out, back the way they'd come. The other Spectres followed, catching word of what had happened. A few of the infiltrators brought up the rear, sticking bombs inside the panel.

The darkness seemed almost a physical thing as they walked, muffling their steps and hushing their voices. It ebbed around them, fighting against the weak points of light that dared to challenge its dominance. It was impossible to see clearly what was ahead, waiting in the shadows. And as the Spectres walked on, someone watching from the hall might have seen their lights growing farther away, fading in the distance, until they were swallowed up by the dark.

* * *

**Final Note:** So there you go, guys. Ah, I don't know, I'm not sure about this one. I meant for it to be more _action-y, _but like Shepard and the other Spectres, I realized that that was not going to be possible against the Reapers. How do you fight against a sentient machine that you happen to be inside of? So that means a rewrite for my outline (if I had one, haha).

Next chapter will pick up with Kaidan and his new crew on board the _Normandy_. (I think you can see how the story's developing here, with split chapters like that. But will Shepard and Alenko ever be reunited, physically and chapter-wise? Ahaha, I won't tell! (Note to self, stop staying up until 3am.))


	10. Your Worries

**Author's Note:** Welcome back! Hope this wasn't too long a wait for any of you; life got in the way for quite a bit. But here it is!

I would like to dedicate this chapter to Write or Die, which helped me start it, and to the movie Starship Troopers, which helped me finish it.

And thank you, readers, for all the attention you've given Stay With Me. Every chapter is for you.

* * *

Captain Kaidan Alenko of the _SSV Normandy_ watched from the cockpit of the frigate as four teenagers approached the dock. He shook his head and put a hand to his temple, trying to massage away the oncoming migraine before it gained a foothold.

"What is the Alliance thinking?" He muttered.

"Couldn't say, Captain," a familiar voice replied. "My personal theory is that they're sadistic bastards."

Kaidan turned to see a man balancing on crutches behind him, his dry, sarcastic grin matching his personality. "So who put you in charge?" Joker asked.

"Some sadistic bastard," Kaidan replied, reaching out a hand to shake with the pilot. Joker managed it easily, letting his armpit take the weight of one side. Kaidan wasn't sure how he did it--he'd been on crutches before, and tottered around like a drunk Salarian the entire time. But then, he hadn't had to use them for years, the way Joker had.

"Good to see I've got someone who knows what they're doing," Kaidan said. "I wasn't sure about having such raw recruits, and seeing them now...they're just kids."

"Tell me about it," Joker replied, peering out the viewport over Kaidan's shoulder. "Ran into one of 'em in the bar yesterday. He was dumb enough to try and talk down to me."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Were you in civvies?"

"Yeah, but I had my hat on," Joker lifted one hand to tap on the familiar brim. "The kid thought I was a fan of the Commander. Offered to get me an autograph for enough credits."

At the mention of Shepard--there was no other Commander that Joker would refer to that way--Kaidan frowned. "Which kid was it?"

Joker squinted, trying to make out the tiny figures below. "See the Rambo wanna-be?"

"Yeah."

"That's the one."

Rambo wanna-be sized the kid up perfectly. His hair was dark, and just short enough to fit regulations, but he'd tied a strip of cloth around his forehead and apparently ripped the sleeves off of his uniform. It must have been recent, because the other three teenagers were all agitated, pointing fingers at him and at the ship, obviously trying to talk him out of his getup.

_Nice to see that Basic knocked a little common sense into them_, Kaidan thought, but they obviously hadn't had enough time for the attitude adjustment that Rambo-kid needed. Two months really just wasn't cutting it these days.

Now that they were closer, Kaidan could make out their features better. The shortest one, Rhona Solis, kept inching between the two boys, swaying her hips in an exaggerated movement. Her hair had been tied back in a braid with--God help him--a pink ribbon. The other girl kept shooting glares at her and running a hand through her much shorter dark hair. She was built short and stocky, like a compact version of Ashley Williams. This would have to be Esme Alacrán.

The tallest one was a brown-haired boy, and he walked so stiffly that Kaidan was sure that someone had stuck a sniper rifle down his back. From the reports, that would be Jacen Shanahan. Meaning that the Rambo wanna-be was Aldon Makara. The kid had pulled out his assault rifle (who gave that idiot a weapon?) and was currently waving it around, a la Mr. Stallone. Jacen reached for it, apparently trying to get him to put it up, but Aldon twisted around, holding it out of his reach.

"Someone's going to get shot," Kaidan muttered, already moving out of the cabin.

"Don't stop 'em now, Captain!" Joker called. "If we're lucky, all of 'em will get put in the hospital and out of our hair."

#

"Aldon, for the last time, put it away!"

Jacen made another swipe at the rifle, but the other boy side-stepped him, holding out his foot to trip him as well. Aldon grinned, holding his assault rifle over his head.

"Not so light on your feet after basic, eh Shanahan?" Aldon said, shooting a glance at Rhona. "Maybe I've got shot at actually going groundside instead of you."

For a moment, Jacen stood frozen, bent over from his stumble. His jaw clenched, and he stared straight ahead at the Normandy's hull. Then he straightened, and his voice came out in his usual formal tone.

"That's not very likely, Aldon. New recruits like us will be onboard the ship at all times. Just the chance to be aboard the _Normandy_ is an honor."

Rhona lifted a hand to her face, tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "Jeez, lighten up! There's no way we're going to stay on the ship forever. I mean, we've had the best biotic training, right?" She smiled, flicking her gaze between Aldon and Jacen.

Aldon grinned back. "Sure," he said. "And that's why I'm going to fry some Geth heads!" He pumped his assault rifle above his head one more time, his mouth opening to shout some war cry. A hand reached out and snatched the rifle.

"Hey," he yelled, "what the--"

"You should handle your weapons properly," Esme said. She gripped the rifle in both hands, holding it as possessively as a child holds a favorite toy. "It's dangerous to mishandle a firearm."

Aldon's brow lowered as he glared at her. "Fuck off, Esme," he said. He made a dive for the gun, trying to pull it out of her hands. The girl swiveled the butt of the gun in her grip, hitting Aldon on the chin. He let go, reaching to cradle his face. Esme backed away, her eyes widening.

"Bitch," Aldon spat. "I going to--"

"Do what, Private Makara?"

The four teenagers spun around, inwardly flinching that a man in combat armor had managed to sneak up on them. The man looked at each of them before letting his gaze settle on Aldon.

"Well? I'm waiting for an answer."

Aldon stepped forward, going toe-to-toe with the man. They stood at almost the same height. "I don't have to answer to you," Aldon said.

The man seemed to double in height, his hands going behind his back to broaden his chest. "That," he said, "is not how you address a superior officer, Private."

It took less than a second for Aldon's face to turn pale.

Kaidan looked at the others, who wore similar mortified expressions, and went on. "I am Captain Alenko of the _SSV_ _Normandy_. And as your commanding officer, let me make myself clear. I won't tolerate stupid recruits. I've seen what happens when a soldier gets cocky and makes mistakes. They die. And I've seen it happen to better men and women than you four. So while you are on my ship, I will expect the absolute best from all of you. If you can't do that, then I will boot you off my ship. Am I clear?"

The four snapped into a salute, shouting, "Yes, sir!"

"Good. Now get on board. One of the crewmembers will show you around. And Makara?"

Aldon turned.

"Get in uniform. Now."

#

They were bound for the Horse Head Nebula, not too far from the system where Endymion was located. After Shepard's report of the corruption on Noveria, and the fate of the _MSV Majesty_, the Alliance had decided that they needed to keep a closer eye on the system. _Normandy_ would run silent whenever possible, monitoring the area.

Lifting off from port, seated at the _Normandy_'s helm, brought on waves of déjà vu for Kaidan. Any minute now, Shepard would stride up from the CIC and watch as they entered the mass relay. Nihilus would say something to Joker, and then...

"I hate that guy."

Kaidan started, caught between the past and present. He looked at Joker, and then glanced behind him to make sure that there wasn't a turian standing there.

"What?"

Joker glanced at him. "Rambo kid. You could've had him discharged, you know."

"Yeah," Kaidan shrugged. "There's no denying the kid's a snot, but he's got potential. I want to see what he can do when he's not shooting off his mouth."

"Your problem now," Joker said. One of the monitors flashed, and Joker frowned. "Speaking of problems...it's a communication from the quarian flotilla. It's coming from the Exodus Cluster."

"The flotilla?" Kaidan stood up. "I didn't know that they were in that sector."

"They're there, and they're sending a message to Commander Shepard of the _SSV_ _Normandy_." He glanced at Kaidan. "Guess they haven't heard about your promotion."

The quarians sending a message for Shepard? The flotilla on the edge of human space? Something was wrong. Maybe they just needed the help of a council Spectre, and the _Normandy_ happened to be in the area. But this only made it more likely that there was some sort of trouble with the quarians.

"I'll take the message in the comm room," Kaidan said.

Walking through the CIC, Kaidan hardly noticed Esme Alacrán standing to one side until she intercepted him.

"Sir, I would like to apologize for earlier--"

"Not now, Private."

"But, sir--"

Kaidan turned, raised an eyebrow. "Private Alacrán, as far as I'm concerned, that incident has already been dealt with. If you need to talk later, my door is open."

Esme froze, her mouth slightly open. Then she snapped up into military posture, and nodded, "Yes, sir."

He left her behind, continuing into the communications room, and missed the guilty look that passed over her face.

A holographic image appeared almost immediately after the doors closed behind Kaidan. The messenger was definitely quarian, wearing the full body suit distinctive to their race. But the figure, and the style of the suit, seemed very familiar.

"Tali?"

"Kaidan?"

The quarian's image shook her head. "I wondered who would be on the _Normandy_. I'm glad it's you."

"You and me both," Kaidan replied. "But what are you doing in this part of the galaxy?"

"We're building your ships," Tali said. "So a part of the flotilla has moved closer to the construction site."

"Oh." Kaidan sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I've been getting paranoid. I heard the flotilla was in an unusual part of space for them, and I assumed the worst."

Tali shook her head again, this time with the dread of bad news. "You might not have been wrong. Ever since our last mission with the Commander, I have been trying to decipher the code we found on Endymion."

Kaidan leaned forward. "You've cracked it?"

"Yes. Most of the message was still incomplete, and the last entry is still entirely beyond my grasp. But here's what I was able to translate."

Text scrolled up in front of the hologram, large block white letters against a red background.

OUR SURVEY TEAM TURNED UP SOMETHING INTERESTING TODAY. THOUGH WE DON'T HAVE THE RESOURCES TO STUDY IT PROPERLY, DR. MENNO BELIEVES THE DEVICE TO BE PROTHEAN.

....

THE CONTAINER HAD A STRANGE ARTIFACT INSIDE OF IT. SEVERAL OF THE STAFF REFUSE TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH IT, BUT I FIND ITS PRESENCE REASSURING, LIKE A VOICE AT THE BACK OF MY MIND.

....

HE WAS TOLD NOT TO MEDDLE WITH THE ARTIFACT IN ANY WAY, BUT REFUSED TO OBEY ORDERS. I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.

....

THEY WANT THE PROTHEAN DEVICE, BUT THEY WILL NOT HAVE IT. THEY WILL NOT--

"Is that all?" Kaidan asked, squinting at the message.

"Until I decrypt the last day's transmission, yes," Tali replied. "What do you make of it?"

"It gives me a bad feeling," he said. "An artifact...reminds me of the logs on the _Cornucopia_."

"That ship full of husks? You think the staff of Endymion found a similar artifact?"

"I don't doubt it. That would explain the presence of the Geth. But what does a Prothean device have to do with it?"

Tali shrugged. "Perhaps the two items were found together. I was hoping Shepard might know, but--"

"Yeah," Kaidan said. "But I have no way to reach her. I can send this up to Captain Anderson. Maybe the council can figure it out."

"You don't want to investigate this yourself?" Tali asked, surprised.

Kaidan grinned. "Afraid not. Right now, the _Normandy_ is an Alliance vessel, and it's on patrol duty. Endymion's outside of my jurisdiction."

Tali sighed. "I see. It's times like this that I realize how useful Spectres are. I miss Shepard."

"Me too, Tali." Kaidan leaned over on the console, putting his head in his hands. "I wouldn't mind her being gone half as much if I at least knew she was alright."

"She's fine," Tali said. "Hordes of Geth tried to kill her and failed. She's indestructible."

Kaidan lifted his head, looking at the chairs in a ring around the room. The one on his left had been Shepard's, and he stared at it now as he replied.

"You're probably right. She's fine."

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** So there it is. I was hesitant about throwing OCs into the mix; if they're not handled properly, they can ruin perfectly good canon (Guilty!). But Kaidan needed someone to run around with besides Joker, and with Shepard's crew split up, I was going to have to find someone new. So there they are. Next time I'll give more FAQs on the kids, if anyone's interested.

Next chapter will be one of Shepard's. And before anyone asks, I DO have a rough estimate of when Shenko will be reunited. The number, including the next chapter, is five. This might change, but we're going to go for five.

Be well, and do good work!


	11. The End of Your Life

**Author's Note: **Wow, you guys are patient. And optimistic. And it's a good thing for me that you are, or I would be out of readers. So thank you, people old and new, for Staying With Me. Sorry. Bad joke, there. Sorry you all had to wait so long for an update, but I had to move out of state sooner than I expected. I've just now gotten settled into my subterranean loft, so we'll see how the updates go.

This chapter was inspired by the first Mass Effect 2 teaser trailer, Terminator: Salvation, and Star Trek XI. (Well, not Star Trek. I ran out of money before I could see it, and then there was the move, and...well. Rest assured, I do feel like I am missing the party.) However, this chapter was written before the E3 event, so Stay With Me has officially strayed into Alternate Universe territory.

One last thing: This chapter really deserves its Mature rating. There is severe violence and heavy casualties. You have been warned.

* * *

Space is cold. Space is nothing. Space is everything. And within it, flickers of life, like the nearby stars, fought for existence.

They were losing.

Jane Shepard felt the shotgun overheat in her hands and dropped it, pushing out her hand in a biotic throw. It bought her enough time to switch to her pistol and begin firing into the Frankenstein construct that was attempting to crush her. A grenade went off above the creature's head, distracting it. Shepard seized the chance to get out of its range, nodding her thanks to Brius. The turian ignored her, lobbing another grenade at the creature.

One of the asari, Shepard wasn't sure who, shouted, "What is that? How did it get on the ship?!"

That was a stupid question, considering that the creature seemed to be made of the same metal of the ship's corridors. And considering that the wires that trailed out of its spinal column led directly into the ship's innards. And also considering that the empty sockets that should have held eyes glowed a deep, vicious red.

"It _is_ the ship," Shepard shouted back. "The Reaper's protecting itself!"

As if in reply, the Reaper construct screeched, swinging a gigantic arm across the corridor. Shepard dodged, but two other Spectres weren't so lucky. They were slammed against the wall, and lay still. Hopefully only stunned. There was no time to check; the construct had hunched over, emitting a low hum. The noise was familiar, and Shepard, firing at the now-prone target, tried to place it.

"Its power level is rising!" Losara yelled, her omni-tool glowing orange against her face. "The scanner can't take energies this high!"

The construct began to crackle with electricity, and Shepard remembered a Husk charging straight for her. She remembered Armatures, and a Colossus, trying to blow the Mako apart.

The electric glow got brighter.

"Get DOWN!" Shepard yelled, diving for the floor.

A wave of crackling white light burst outward from the construct, frying it. The pulse broke over the Spectres who hadn't heard Shepard, or hadn't moved fast enough. Electricity burned through shields and then coursed through fragile organic tissue, destroying them from the inside out. There were screams. Cries of pain that went on and on and finally gurgled into death throes.

Shepard lay prone on the floor, breathing in the sterile air of her helmet. She was grateful for that air, which would not be tainted with the stink of charred flesh. Her tongue ran over her lips, and did not taste the droplets of fat that would cling there if a human burned nearby. Would burning aliens produce the same fat? She didn't know. And she was grateful for not knowing.

"Sound off," Varook called. The salarian's voice strained with some unseen pain.

"Shepard, alive and--"she checked, "--unharmed."

"Brius, alive and unharmed."

"Losara, minor concussion."

"Altana, bruised ribs, broken arm."

"Nessalk, alive and unharmed."

Voice after voice called out, but when they stopped, there were still not enough. Shepard, and other who could, stood up and began checking those who lay still. Some were merely unconscious. But most would never wake again. Shepard avoided looking at their faces; the sight of the burned, still-hot flesh turned her stomach.

Only their twenty-fifth Reaper. Twenty-fifth out of hundreds, and the Spectres had lost a third of their number in as many months. Another half a year and they would all be dead. Possibly sooner, considering Reaper intelligence.

After the first few they had taken out, word of their activites had apparently gone to the rest of the Reaper fleet. Bringing down their enemies was no longer the quiet affair it had once been. Electricity shot out of the walls, doors would slam shut, gravity would cease to function, turrets would come out of the ceiling, and the hallways shifted into ever-more intricate mazes. The construct they'd faced today was new, and more deadly. The Reaper's focus through a single avatar did seem to have benefits, however. With the construct dead, the Reaper appeared to be the same, the light in the hallway dimming and then going out altogether. It was just like Sovreign and Saren. Still, with a learning curve that increased at such an exponential rate, it was only a matter of time until the Reapers threw something at them that they couldn't defeat.

Shepard flexed her hand, feeling the tingle of her biotics. The Spectres who had the ability could rarely exercise it; the confined spaces of the corridors and the number of Spectres made it difficult, if not dangerous. It was forbidden to create a singularity, or lift.

_Kaidan would be miserable here_, Shepard thought. _No biotics, non-stop battles to bring on migraines, enough electricity to ruin his omni-tool, extremely rude turians...He'd hate it._

_But I miss him._

The Spectres began their long walk back to the rendezvous point, the fit carrying the wounded. The dead were left behind. Captain Varook clutched their dog tags in one hand, silver chains dangling like rain.

Shepard had held out hope. For weeks now, she had dreamed, and expected, and planned, that they would go home. She was only thirty, for God's sake. No matter what kind of life she led, she had never imagined it ending for a long time. There had been the idea of children, someday. Of a retirement with Kaidan.

One of the Spectres beside her stumbled, and Shepard grabbed his arm. The hope she'd held so closely seemed to mock her now, and she waved it away like a cobweb.

A life of peace wasn't meant for her. She had a job to do, and if she died for it, it would be a death on her own terms. She would be strong, because not everyone could be. She would keep going, because they needed her to. And if one day they didn't need her anymore, Kaidan would be there waiting for her. She was sure of that.

At last the Spectres arrived at the hull door. Varook was sending out the signal to the _Asphodel_, requesting pickup. Shepard shifted her feet.

They waited for close to half an hour. Then, with only the hiss of the airlock as warning, the door slammed open. The Spectres charged inside, having only seconds before the door slammed shut again. They made it with moments to spare, strapping into their seats in the hold as the ship took off with a shudder that ran through their bones.

The next few hours would be unavoidable routine. Shepard yawned, thinking of the report she would have to write before she could sleep. Her guns would need to be cleaned, too. And her armor.

Another shudder rocked the ship, and Shepard frowned. Not every ship ran as quietly as the _Normandy_, but still...

"Something's not right," she said.

Losara, sitting next to her, paled. "The ship must have been hit when it retrieved us."

Several Spectres, Shepard, Losara, Brius, and Varook included, unbuckled and left the hold. A slow elevator ride (What was _wrong_ with those things?) brought them to the CIC. A stone settled at the bottom of Shepard's gut.

Dead crewmembers sat at their posts, their faces crushed from a hard blow. Judging from the blood on the monitors, the crew had been thrown forward when the ship was hit. Sparks spurted from several stations, including navigation. The captain lay slumped at the helm, chest rising and falling in staggering breaths.

Shepard knelt beside him, cracking open an omni-gel container, injecting the contents into the wound. The captain opened his eyes, sighing.

"We won't make it," he said. "The damage--"

"Is nothing we can't fix," Brius said. "We will need time to make repairs, but--"

Shepard raised a palm, silencing him as the captain gasped, "No! No...the Reapers...they're attacking. We're not...safe."

And then, as his final breath rattled in his throat, and his eyes dulled, a word whispered over the Spectres and settled like a shroud.

"...Run."

An explosion. The ship rocked, sparks flying. The Spectres stumbled, Shepard already making for the hold.

"The escape pods!" She shouted. "It's our only--"

Reaper claws, black and cold, ripped into the hull. Tore the ship apart. Instant vacuum. Grasping for something, anything, Shepard saw turian, asari, salarian--organic and machine. There was nothing to hold on to.

Nothing. The cold nothing, and everything, of space.

_Kaidan._

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** Warned you. Now, I believe I said that after this chapter, there would be four left until the Shenko reunion? Still on that timeline. (Or _**AM **_I? _Dun dun duuuun_...)


	12. The End of Mine

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry, you guys. This took way longer than I expected. I thought I'd be able to pound it out right after the move (for those of you that don't know, I recently moved from Texas to Missouri), but my primary priority turned out to be finding a job. I was looking for almost exactly a month, and I'm grateful it was no longer than that. Crazy.

So, sorry to keep you waiting for this chapter so long, especially after that last cliffhanger. And just so you know, the thing that kept me going was all the new readers that sent reviews or added Stay With Me to their lists. You guys are awesome, and probably overly optimistic, given my update schedule.

* * *

Kaidan slammed his head down on the desk, the cool brushed steel smacking against his forehead with a resounding _clunk_. He picked his head up, blinked at the screen in front of him. Then he threw his head back down on the desk.

_Clunk...clunk...clunk..._

"Why...can't...everything...be easy, for once!"

And here came the headache. Not that he hadn't brought it on, of course. Alternating between staring at a screen of code for hours on end and banging his head on a metal desk really didn't do him any good. But it did kill time while he waited for Garrus's reply, hopefully with the rest of the code deciphered.

He'd sent the code that Tali had partially cracked, along with his own notes, almost as soon as he'd read it. Even now, the words glowed like neon every time he closed his eyes.

_...Dr. Menno believes the device to be Prothean...the container had a strange device...like a voice at the back of my mind...They want the Prothean device, but they will not have it. They will not--_

From what the transmissions indicated, it sounded like they had unearthed not a Prothean device, but something far more sinister. Kaidan remembered the _Cornucopia_, filled with Husks and containing a black metal fragment that felt...wrong. The oppressiveness of it, the pure malice he had sensed, was a feeling that he would later equate with Sovreign. Most likely, Endymion's executive officer had become indoctrinated and gone mad, turning on his staff.

But how had the Geth become involved?

"Captain," Joker's voice came over the comm. "You've got an incoming transmission. Want me to patch it through?"

"Thanks, Joker. Send it to my monitor, will you?"

"Can do."

The screen went blank for a moment, then filled with the face of Garrus Vakarian. Kaidan could make out one of the embassy rooms behind him.

"Kaidan? I received your message. Thank you for sending it; Tali's worked proved invaluable to my own decryption."

"Decryption?" Kaidan leaned forward. "Then you were able to decipher the last day's message?"

"Unfortunately, no. But I was able to find a layer of code beneath the previous one. Endymion's executives must have been _very_ paranoid." Garrus gave the turian equivalent of a grin. "I'll send you the complete message now."

OUR SURVEY TEAM TURNED UP SOMETHING INTERESTING TODAY. THOUGH WE DON'T HAVE THE RESOURCES TO STUDY IT PROPERLY, DR. MENNO BELIEVES THE DEVICE TO BE PROTHEAN.

....

THE CONTAINER HAD A STRANGE ARTIFACT INSIDE OF IT. SEVERAL OF THE STAFF REFUSE TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH IT, BUT I FIND ITS PRESENCE REASSURING, LIKE A VOICE AT THE BACK OF MY MIND.

....

DR. MENNO HAS BEEN PERFORMING EXPERIMENTS WITH THE PROTHEAN CONTAINER. HE BELIEVES THAT ITS TRUE PURPOSE IS THAT OF A SUPPRESSOR AND WISHES TO TEST HIS HYPOTHESIS WITH THE ARTIFACT. BUT HE SHALL NOT HAVE IT.

....

HE WAS TOLD NOT TO MEDDLE WITH THE ARTIFACT IN ANY WAY, BUT REFUSED TO OBEY ORDERS. I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.

....

THERE IS NOT MUCH TIME. DR. MENNO SUCCEEDED IN REVERSING THE ARTIFACT'S EFFECTS UPON MYSELF, BUT UNFORTUNATELY WHILE I USE THE DEVICE NO OTHER CAN. THE OTHERS AFFECTED HAVE BEEN LOCKED AWAY.

I FEAR THE TRANSMISSION I BEGAN WHILE STILL AFFECTED CANNOT BE STOPPED. AND IT IS TOO LATE, IN ANY CASE. WE WILL ATTEMPT TO EVACUATE THE GUESTS, BUT--

THEY ARE HERE. ALREADY THEY ARE HERE.

THEY WANT THE PROTHEAN DEVICE, BUT THEY WILL NOT HAVE IT. THEY WILL NOT--

Kaidan felt a chill run up his spine. "My God...did they find a way to stop indoctrination?"

"It would seem so," Garrus replied. "And if I recall, we did not find artifact or device during our search on Endymion."

"Yes, but we were in a hurry, weren't we? There were only a few days to investigate, and we had to fight off Geth wherever we went...it could still be down there! Contact Councilman Anderson, we need--"

"Already done, Captain," Garrus said. "As soon as I found out the meaning of this code, I spoke with him to get you clearance. He granted it. As of now, you have jurisdiction over the Endymion system until further notice."

There was a pause as Kaidan sent silent thanks up to the universe, God, and karma in general.

"Garrus," he finally replied, "just so you know, you are now my best turian friend. Ever."

"Yes, well, there are benefits to having a friend in C-Sec," Garrus grinned.

"You're still in C-Sec?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "I thought you planned to join the Spectres."

There was a moment between the question and the answer when Kaidan regretted saying anything. Because he knew that he had unwittingly brought Shepard into the conversation. And he wasn't sure that he could hear her name just then.

"To be honest, the Commander advised me not to, just before she left."

Kaidan felt brief relief for turian sensitivity (or was it formality?) before the rest of the sentence sank in.

"What? Why?"

"She wouldn't say. But I believe that, knowing the danger that she and the other Spectres would be sent into, she didn't want any others to follow that path."

Of course. That was so _her_, so intrinsically unselfish of her, to spare them pain. She took responsibility, took charge, to protect them. Always. And if she got hurt, she wouldn't let them see. Because if they did, they wouldn't let her shoulder it alone.

"You'd better get going," Garrus continued. "Good luck."

But Kaidan hadn't heard him. The voice that spoke to him now belonged to her.

_"__Kaiden, I want you beside me for as long as possible. Stay with me."_

"_That's not going to be easy after we get back to the Citadel. Just how far away are you going to be?"_

"_I can't say. A few systems, maybe more."_

"_That's a long way, Shepard." _

"_It's not forever, Kaiden. When someone else gets to be the hero, I want you to be there."_

_"Always."_

It took everything Kaidan had to calm his voice enough to talk to Joker.

"We're going back to Endymion. What's our ETA?"

Joker made a sputtering noise. He must have been drinking his usual tenth cup of coffee. "What? We're...uh. Okay. We can be there in a week if we push it. But--"

"But what, Joker?" Kaidan's voice sounded harsher than he wanted, and he cleared his throat. "What?"

"There's a ship coming up on the scanners. No life signs detected, but plenty of electrical discharge. Just like--"

"The _Cornucopia_," Kaidan whispered. Lingering thoughts of Shepard were pushed aside as he stood up, striding out of his quarters. "What's the name of the ship?"

"It's one of the Council's ships," Joker replied. "The _Asphodel_."

Kaidan reached his locker, started pulling out his armor. "Okay, alert the Council, and tell Solis and Alacrán to suit up. We're going in."

"Aye, aye."

Ten minutes later he was striding for the airlock when Joker's voice called from the CIC. "Transmission from Anderson!"

Kaidan sighed. "The comm. room."

Joker nodded, and Kaidan turned for the opposite end of the ship, almost running into Alacrán.

She saluted. "Sir, Private Solis is on her way. What--"

"Wait here," Kaidan said. "We'll begin the mission when I come back."

Anderson's image was already waiting for him when he entered the comm. room. His former captain's face was grave, and his words settled like weights. "Captain Alenko."

"Sir? You wanted to speak to me?"

"Yes. That ship you found. The _Asphodel_. It was being used to transport the Spectres to their mission location. This is classified Top Secret, but you should know..."

No. Please, not her.

"Shepard was aboard. Given that the initial scans show no life signs...

"She's probably dead, Alenko."

_"Kaidan..."_

"I'm sorry, Alenko."

_"...I want you to be there."_

"I know you were close."

_"Stay with me."_

"But she's gone."


	13. Your Hell

**Author's Note:** Well look at you, you lucky ducks! Brand new chapter, and you didn't even have to wait a full month for it. Huzzah!

And to the many, many random people who are new to this little farce--and you know who you are--I love you all, but not enough to give you updates on a regular basis. Unlike Lanaea. Who is like God. Check my favorites.

BIG NOTE about this chapter: it is depressing to the extreme. I swear, it's like livejournal. Or an emo kid's tears. Please do not read if you're feeling suicidal, as I do not have enough disclaimer forms for everyone. You have been warned.

* * *

Shepard was dreaming.

She dreamt of Kaidan's hand holding hers. It was rough and calloused, like her own. Buzzing with the low thrum of biotics, like her own. Both sets of fingernails trimmed short, dirt packed into a dark line beneath the nail. Warmth. Strength. Love.

Looking up to see his smile, she gasped. Kaidan's face was covered in blood. He coughed, and more blood spurted out of his mouth, a waterfall of red. His eyes were bruised and swollen shut, but he still sought her as his hand grew cold.

Kaidan slumped over across her legs, and Shepard screamed, a high-pitched wail of terror. And suddenly she was on Akuze, dragging herself across the dirt, legs useless, broken. A Thresher reared up, spitting acid that ate through her armor and splashed across her face. Pain, pain that would turn into scars.

And she was lying on a hospital bed, Dr. Chakwas leaning over her, surgical machine whirring. The anesthesia, it's worn off, it's worn off too soon, someone bring the injection...and now the machine is cutting open her skull, someone has shaved her head, and the air is too cold, too cold in space.

Space is cold.

Shepard's eyes open, and stare into the red glow of a machine.

**It is awake.**

The voice, not a voice so much as a hum, a vibration sent through the air in the form of words. A Reaper voice. Sovreign?

She is naked--why? The ship was ripped open, and they were shot into space. Brius, Losara, Varook, and the others, where are they? Where is she?

**That is irrelevant. Continue the procedure.**

A whirring sound, a grinding--pain, pain like her world is ending, on fire. Her head...her head is being cut open. It wasn't a dream, it was--

She screams.

#

It was hours later when they left her alone at last. She was still naked, still tied down, still freezing the open air of this Reaper, but they are out of her head. She is whole once more.

Her blood cooled on her skin, and she began to wonder why. Why did they open her skull, and now leave her alone? Why did they pull her from space?

Where are the others? The other Spectres?

The former questions could be chalked up to "know thy enemy". But the latter was one she needed to know. She had to escape this place, and the others could help.

She was tied down. No, _locked_ down. But did they disable her biotics when they messed with her brain? Shepard focused, her head pounding, as she flexed her palm, lifting it as high as it could go. The shackles holding her creaked, moaned, snapped, and then broke free, floating up into the darkness and out of sight.

Shepard swung her legs over the table and nearly passed out. Slow. Go slow.

Inching herself lower and lower, she wondered when she would feel the floor. She looked down, and her feet were already on it.

_I can't feel my feet. I can't feel anything. _

_Don't panic. This is temporary. It has to be. You can do this. You can take it. Now, walk._

She leaned her weight onto her toes, and then stood.

Black splotches in her vision, rocking, swaying on her feet. Then the pain, the bright shards of glass in her head, counter beat to the dull throb of a healing soreness that split her skull. To move was to be in pain.

She fell to her knees. Her nails dug into her scalp, trying to hold the pain in, or pull it out.

This was going to be the thing that killed her.

Whimpering, she rocked herself back and forth as a mother rocks a baby. _Mother, Mother, it hurts, it hurts so much..."Make the pain go away, Mommy..."_

Mother knew pain.

"Do you see this scar, Jane? Look at it!" Her mother rolled up her sleeve, baring her shoulder. "This is from Mindoir. Slavers shot me, and the wound was so bad I couldn't rescue their captives.

"And this one--sniper rifle." The large round scar on her mother's stomach stands out, an inverted belly button. She feels as if her mother has been turned inside out, and this is the part that lies next to her heart, feels the rush of her blood.

Shepard looks away. She knows these scars, these stories. They are the badges _beneath_ the uniform, the reward for survival. One day, soon, she will have her own.

"Jane. Look at me."

Her mother's voice controls her as surely as a hand. She obeys.

Mother lowers her pants only a few inches below the sniper's scar. There, on her lower abdomen, a thin dark line.

"This is the only reminder I don't mind," her mother said. "A good one, instead of bad. This is where they cut me open, and pulled you out. Don't turn this into a bad memory for me. Don't die in battle and leave me with this reminder.

"Jane. I'm begging you. Don't join the Alliance."

And eighteen-year-old Shepard walked away, to the nearest recruiter she could find. What had she said, walking out the door?

"I won't die."

And this, the words that she breathed like a prayer and became her ultimate truth, got her to her feet again. She whispered it like a gasp, a breath in a lover's ear, and it was a promise, and a resolution.

"I won't die."

Getting up again brought the pain back, and this time there was nausea, and she retched. But she was up, moving. She pulled on her armor, her fingers weak and dumb, fumbling with the latches. The outer shell remained loose, barely latched on. She couldn't even pick up her guns, only just managing to put her pistol into its holster.

Her movements were slow, if they happened at all. More often, she would think one way and move another. When she tried to speak again, the words came out of her mouth garbled and incoherent. Something was vitally wrong, but there was no time to think about that, or anything else. She had to find the others, find a way out.

Brius. Losara. Varook. Had they been taken, too? How many other Spectres were in this place, their skulls cleaved open?

Shepard stumbled into the dark corridors, leaning against cold metal walls to keep from falling. She had to find them; she couldn't leave them here.

_"...it's done, Commander. Go get the Lieutenant and get the hell out of here!"_

_"Belay that; we can handle ourselves. Go back and get Williams!"_

_She had hesitated. And then, faster than she could fight it, her heart leapt into her throat._

_"Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us on the AA Tower."_

_"Yes, Commander, I..."_

_"You know it's the right choice, LT."_

_And because it had seemed impossible to lose someone again, impossible to relive Akuze again, Shepard had said, "I'm coming back to get you too, Ash."_

_"I think we both know that's not going to happen, Commander."_

More teammates, dead again. Dissolved in thresher acid. Incinerated by a nuke. Cut apart by Reapers. "Not again," Shepard growled. "Never again. I'm coming to get you. All of you! We're getting out of here!"

Her words echoed in the corridor, throwing themselves back in her face like the voices of ghosts.

_"I think we both know that's not going to happen, Commander."_

_"We can handle ourselves."_

Shepard shook her head, earning another explosion of pain that obliterated thoughts, memories and guilt. She did it again and again as she dragged herself through the corridors, shaking off one pain with another. She was ready to collapse by the time she found the others.

They were chained down on separate tables in separate cells, heads bandaged and blood everywhere. She recognized them. There were Spectres in there. And they were screaming. Hardened Spectres, the best warriors in the galaxy, screamed and gibbered like maniacs, completely out of their heads.

_"Never any questions from these bastards. Just whispers and poking and cutting."_

One of the cells was quiet. A lone turian with his face painted black was strapped down, completely still. Brius. Shepard dragged herself to his cell, looking through the bars and glass at him. He stared at the ceiling, his eyes wide open in horror.

_"What did they do to you, soldier?"_

"Brius?" Shepard said. "Brius, it's Shepard. We have to get out of here. Can you hear me?"

_"It emits some kind of signal. Undetectable, but it's there. I've seen the effects."_

Slowly, the turian's head turned to face her. His eyes did not change, staring at her as if she were his worst nightmare.

"Brius?"

His mouth fell open, and Brius began to cry out. It was the wail of an infant, of a creature in relentless pain. He strained against his shackles, and the screaming went on and on.

_"I tried to fight it, but it gets in your head...you can't imagine the pain."_

Only one thing to do. And she was the only one who could. Again. Again and again and again. She opened the cell door and pulled out her pistol, pausing only a moment.

"I'm sorry." She said.

And then she set each of them free.

When she finally found the hangar, and the small ship within it, she brought her comrades aboard with her. The dog tags she clutched in her hand did not take up much room at all.

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** I told you it would be depressing. It actually wasn't too bad in the first draft; Shepard was much more gung-ho and running around and shooting things, but then I actually did _research_. Turns out major brain surgery/trauma is not condusive to being a bad ass. So instead I used the cranial invasion as an excuse for Shepard to run up against inner demons. Fun times, eh?

And for those of you wondering, "How the heck is she going to outmanuver the Reaper fleet when she can't even stand up straight? And how is she going to get out of dark space? And did the Spectres get into dark space in the first place?", fear not! All shall be answered soon. As in, before the story's done. Which it will be before the sequel come out and messes up my fic with _CANON_.

Only one (two if you count the chapter itself, and I don't know if I should) more chapter to go until Shenko reunion!


	14. My Footsteps in Your Past

**Author's Note: **And it's back! I started this chapter over and over, never able to find just the right fit. And then I started to work on "Carry On", and Kaidan's grief there allowed me to plug in to him better here. So there you have it: writing begets more writing.

On chapter 12, I made a terrible mistake! Rhona Solis's last name got changed to "Mitra". Don't know how THAT happened, but it's been fixed now and the real Mitra will be showing up in this chapter.

Thanks to those of you who stuck with me, and those of you who have just joined. Soon, Stay With Me will be finished and you won't have to go through the agony of waiting for months on end. (At least, until my next fic).

Now, Kaidan was just told of Shepard's death...

* * *

Kaidan Alenko was waiting. Waiting for the world to shatter. Waiting for the nightmare to end. Waiting for Shepard.

The girls, Solis and Alacrán, were waiting too. Waiting beside the airlock to enter into a ship full of death. Waiting for their captain to snap out of it, to look at them, to do _anything._

They waited.

Aldon Makara chose just that moment to run up to the airlock, armor strapped on, face livid.

"Captain Alenko! You're taking _them_ on board with you?"

Slowly, very slowly, Alenko's head turned toward Makara. "Yes."

All three privates took a step back.

"Mitra is your squad leader," he continued. "You and Shanahan will follow him five minutes behind us. Now get out of my face."

Makara backed away towards the cockpit. Joker leaned back in his seat, glanced at the kid, and then raised an eyebrow at Kaidan. _What brought that on?_ Kaidan ignored him; he hadn't heard about Shepard yet.

Lieutenant Mitra (a young man that had the soul of a grizzled war veteran in his sixties) arrived with Shanahan in tow just as the airlock hissed open. Kaidan looked at him, said, "Five minutes," and then entered the _Asphodel_.

_Shepard_, he thought, _what do I need to do? Help me._

Her voice seemed to ripple through him; he could feel her mouth against his ear, her eyes wide open. _Be strong, Kaidan. These kids are counting on you. Lead them._

He had almost forgotten his charges; they huddled together behind him, gazes darting around the ship's dark, empty corridor. God, they must be terrified.

"Get it together," he said. Esme Alacrán looked up at him and swallowed, gripping her rifle tighter. Rhona would not meet his eyes, but her spine straightened, just a little. Good enough.

"Listen, we're expecting Husks up ahead. You've read about them--electric zombies. Don't let them get close. For one, they like to claw you, and two, they can explode. Either option hurts like hell, so use biotics to keep them off of you while you fire."

The girls looked like they wanted to throw up, but they were steadying. Their postures were the basic template of a marine, bold and proud. Esme quivered just a little.

"I'm going in first," Kaidan said, hefting his pistol. "You two cover me. If I get hit, fall back and wait for Lieutenant Mitra's team. Got it?"

They nodded. Rhona's jaw was set; she looked less like a doll and more like an Amazon.

_Let's go!_ Shepard whispered.

"Let's go!" Kaidan shouted.

Together, they moved forward into the ship, going at the brisk pace of attack. But being focused as they were, they began to really see the ship they had stepped into.

The walls were scorched, ripped apart in many places. Kaidan gave thanks for his helmet as they entered a hall whose walls had been ripped open to the cold emptiness of space. There had been a battle, that he was sure of. Shepard hadn't been able to tell him much about her mission, about Project Noah, but this...this was wrong. Hadn't she left him to protect the galactic ark, ships to save them from the Reapers?

_"That's not all of it. Project Noah--"_

He had cut her off. And she had been trying to tell him the truth.

What had the Council sent her to?

As they entered the CIC, Kaidan got his answer; unearthly moans echoed over their headsets, and husks shambled forward out of the shadows. But these things had not once been human. The shape of the heads, the bodies--they were salarian, turian, asari. Twisted, wrong.

Kaidan fired, roared. The fight was on.

Rhona raised her hand, a fluid jerk, and four of the monsters were lifted into the air. One left on the ground charged at her, screeching. She breathed. The last second between civilian and soldier. Then one shot. Two. The asari husk dropped, a hole in its forehead. Rhona turned, looking for her next target, and heard a sob. She whipped around.

Esme was crouched behind cover, her sniper rifle propped and aimed at a crowd of husks moving toward Captain Alenko. But she did not take the shot. Instead she whimpered, blubbering. Rhona stared. Esme was the best shot in their class; she was strong, she was serious, and she _never_ hesitated.

"Give me some cover fire!" The captain shouted. Rhona _pushed_ out her hand, sending part of the mob sprawling. The rest she sprayed with bullets from her assault rifle.

She turned back to Esme. Ran to her side.

"Esme! Come on!"

Her comrade screamed. "It's wrong! I can't--I can't do it! They're alive! It's wrong!"

Oh, no. "They're zombies, Esme! They're already dead! Please, just shoot them!"

"NO, THEY'RE ALIVE! I CAN'T, I CAN'T!"

The husks were crowding around the captain again. Some were headed their way. Rhona froze.

And then, the fear inside her snapped, scarred over, became anger and iron will. She slapped Alacrán. Her screams stopped and she looked around, dazed.

"Esme," Rhona said, "you will fire that gun or so help me I will kill you myself. _Do you understand me_?"

The girl gulped, nodded, turned, aimed. She pulled the trigger, and another husk fell.

Rhona went back to shooting with renewed purpose.

Kaidan's rage was steadily building, charged with biotic energy, his fingers never leaving the trigger. The husks screeched at him, so loud; he couldn't hear Shepard's voice. They took Shepard. He pulled the trigger. _Bang._ She shouldn't have been here. _Bang._ Shouldn't have died. _Bang._ Shouldn't have been turned into one of these monsters. _Bang._

What the hell had he been waiting for? A dead woman to come home? It made no sense, none of it; she shouldn't be dead. Couldn't be. Not Shepard. Not her.

A husk swept its claws down, knocking him back. His head split open. The last of his finely-wrought self-control melted away.

_I'll kill you_.

He swung his fist, biotics glowing. It connected, a crunch of rotting flesh and metal against his knuckles. The husk dropped. Neck snapped.

_I'll kill you!_

A wave of biotic energy, the line of husks blown back. He fired. Again, again. There were other bullets. Other biotics. But all he could see, all he cared about, was focused on what he could kill.

#

It seemed to take an eternity before Lieutenant Mitra waved them forward. Aldon Makara scowled at the older man, who was checking his shotgun. Shanahan was doing the same, the little brown-noser. When the lieutenant finally gave the go-ahead, Aldon charged in.

Mitra grabbed the back of his hardsuit's collar, swinging him around.

"Good way to get killed, son," the man rumbled. "You FNGs stay behind me. Don't get killed, don't shoot your teammates. Let's go."

They stepped aboard the _Asphodel_, the airlock snapping shut with a hiss behind them. Aldon looked around, the hairs on the back of his neck rising.

This ship was dark, the halls narrow. It felt like a tomb. As they went further, they began to see the scoring on the walls.

"Look at this," Shanahan murmured. "I haven't seen marks like this before. They're not from Alliance weaponry, and not alien, either. Almost looks like Geth energy weapons, but--"

"Hey, nerd," Aldon said, "we'll probably find out what happened in the _ship's logs_."

"Exactly," Mitra said, shoving both of the forward. "So get moving."

When they entered the next room, they began to hear the distant sound of gunfire. They exchanged glances and charged forward.

This was the fight as Aldon first saw it: Bright flashes of gunfire. Blue streaks of electricity underneath rotted, grey flesh. Alacrán's wet cheeks. The steel in Solis' eyes. Captain Alenko's mouth open, roaring smashing open a husk with biotics.

Aldon took this in, and boiled it down into one phrase that ran over and over in his head. _Shit, shit, shit, what the SHIT?!_

Mitra shoved past him, firing at husks near the captain. Aldon blinked, lost in a haze of panic until someone grabbed his arm and dragged him behind cover.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?!" Solis shouted, her face inches from his. "Get it together, Aldon!"

"What?" Aldon shook his head. "Shit. Sorry. Duck!" He shot over her head at a charging husk. It fell, still twitching. Solis glanced over her shoulder, blasted the thing's head off, looked back at him. _Nicely done_.

"Sitrep?" He asked. It was the first time he'd used the word outside of basic. It rolled off the tongue.

"They just keep coming," Solis replied. "But they've got to run out of bodies soon. Esme freaked out for a minute, but she's functional. The captain...he's on a whole new level."

Aldon peeked over cover in time to see Alenko slam a husk against the wall with his biotics, then shoot it in the face. Another one approached the captain's back, claws raised. Aldon and Solis fired, the _rat-a-tat-tat_ from her rifle, a _bang_ from his pistol. The husk dropped.

"Okay," Aldon said. "We've got this. Just bunker down and--"

"Where's Jacen?" Solis asked.

Aldon spun, trying to find him. His gaze landed on a knot of five husks in a corner. Shanahan had both hands up, jaw clenched. He was projecting a biotic barrier around himself to hold back the husks, but it was growing weaker. Shanahan started sinking to one knee.

"Shit." Aldon muttered. Then, "Solis! Alacrán! Cover me!"

He ran, raising one hand up. The five husks lifted. Clench hand into fist; husks freeze. Swing the fist down; release. The husks slammed into the floor, denting the metal. Aldon leapt over them, landing next to Shanahan. There were cracks from a sniper rifle and a drum roll from an assault rifle and the girls dispatched the remaining husks.

Shanahan was on his knees. The barrier was so weak Aldon could put his hand through it and tough the other boy's shoulder. Which he did. Shanahan looked up.

"You look like shit," Makara said.

Hands shaking, Shanahan gave him the finger. Aldon grinned; it was the first sign of humanity he'd seen from the tightwad.

"Aldon!" Solis screamed.

He turned, still grinning. A husk, charging at him, electric bolts whipping across charred skin. The face was turian. The eyes were dead.

Aldon's smile faded.

The girls couldn't fire, the angle was wrong; if they shot they would hit Makara and Shanahan. Lieutenant Mitra was shooting down a husk at the other end of the room. Shanahan was drained. Makara thrust his hands forward in a throwing motion, but the husk only stumbled back two steps. It threw back its head, screeching, resumed the charge. Makara lifted his pistol to fire.

Blue-purple light wrapped around the husk. For a moment the monster was still. And then it began to rip apart. Layer after layer was peeled away like old paper, and it continued to screech until its head crumbled away. The corpse sank to the floor, revealing Captain Alenko, lit with biotics and one hand clenched into a fist for warp.

Aldon met his captain's eyes and then had to look away. Mitra was right--a whole new level of hell lived in those eyes right then.

Kaidan felt like his muscles were on fire, head pounding with the strain of his biotics. His eyes flicked up to first one side, then another; no husks remained. He looked back at Makara, who would not meet his eyes. The kid was shaking. Shanahan was slumped to the floor, exhausted. Alacrán was in shock. Only Solis and Mitra looked in decent shape, and Rhona still looked like she needed a breather. The lieutenant was already checking the dog tags of the fallen husks.

"Did any of you eat before leaving the _Normandy_?" Kaidan asked, looking at each of them in turn.

No response. Then Solis raised her hand.

He shook his head. "For God's sake, you're biotics! You know better than to go into a firefight without the proper fuel. All of you, ration bars. Now. We've still got work to do. Eat and help the lieutenant."

While his team went to work, Kaidan went to the pilot's station. The design was salarian, but he had studied the STG models and the basic layout wasn't hard to grasp. After several minutes of work with his omni-tool, he finally had access to the ship logs. Then a new wall popped up.

CLASSIFIED. COUNCIL APPROVAL REQUIRED TO ACCESS.

Kaidan frowned, then downloaded the mission codes Anderson had sent him. The computer spat back at him:

SPECTRE LOGIN REQUIRED. NAME?

He hesitated, then typed in "Jane Shepard".

APPROVED.

The files opened up. Mitra stepped up behind him, opening his own omni-tool. "Let me have the crew list," the lieutenant said. "We'll start matching it with the dog tags."

He transferred the file over, and once Mitra had moved on, Kaidan began reading the captain's logs. The first entry was enough to put lead in his gut.

"Following the information in Sovereign's systems, we have reprogrammed the relay on Ilos and entered into dark space.

"We are now outside the Milky Way galaxy, possibly the first to ever do so. It is something of a comfort to have so many Spectres on board, but even they are on edge.

"Ancestors help us all."

Kaidan read on, his horror growing as they encountered the Reapers and, one at a time, began to engage them. It was suicidal. But it had worked, for a few weeks. Then the Reapers got smart, and Spectres started dying. Kaidan scanned the lists of the dead for Shepard's name, but he didn't see it.

The last entry was dated only a few weeks before. Kaidan opened it, and a salarian's voice echoed in the CIC; the captain had recorded it, too weak to write.

"We've been badly hit," he said. "The Reapers were able to predict our movements...there's no chance of making it home alive.

"The Spectres are on board, but we have no idea how many are alive. We will attempt to use the escape pods, but--_argh!_"

And explosion, the crackle of static. All was quiet, but the recording continued. Kaidan kept it open, waiting. For several minutes there was only the heavy breathing of the wounded captain. Then--

"Captain!"

Shepard's voice. Kaidan's heart stopped.

There was the sound of several pairs of boots running across the metal floor, and then the snap-hiss of an opening omni-gel container.

"We won't make it," the _Asphodel_'s captain said. His voice croaked out the words. "The damage--"

"It's nothing we can't fix," a turian voice intoned. One of the Spectres? "We will need time to make repairs, but--"

"No!" The captain gasped. "No...the Reapers...they're attacking. We're not...safe.

"Run."

Another blast of static that must have been an explosion.

"The escape pods!" Shepard shouted. "It's our only--"

The transmission ended.

Kaidan shut off his omni-tool. He wanted to lean against the bulkhead and slide down the floor, collapse right there. Instead he put a hand over his face, bowed his head.

_Oh, Shepard._

"Captain?"

Kaidan looked up. Esme was standing in front of him, her omni-tool activated. Her face was open, raw, and terrified. Kaidan realized that it had always been there beneath her usual mask of stoicism.

"We've been checking the dog tags on the husks, sir. And, um, there's no Spectres here. This is just the crew."

He looked at the rest of his team, who were nodding in confirmation. "What?"

"Something else, captain," Mitra said, stepping beside him. There's supposed to be a shuttle in the cargo bay, but it's gone. And there wasn't a hull breach there."

"Is its trajectory noted in the navigation computers?"  
"Yep. Looks like it was heading for the Endymion system. Not too far from here."

Kaidan paused, waiting for the ship to stop spinning. Waiting until he could breathe again. Waiting for the next thing that might break him.

The galaxy seemed a lot smaller, lately.

"Let's go," he said.

* * *

**Final Author's note:** Next chapter is the Shenko reunion! But that won't be the end of the story, oh no. Two more chapters after that, I think.


	15. You and Me

**Author's Note: **Oh. Em. Gee. The reunion chapter. Took me forever because it is So Long. Well, long for me.

I'll tell you a secret: most of my "outline" for Stay with Me" is written on two sticky notes. For this chapter, I had scribbled down approximately five sentences, two of which were changed. Stuff of legends, I tell you. Shakespeare on a stick.

So, enjoy! More notes later.

* * *

Shepard slept.

_She dreamed of black shapes like fractured glass, voices like a dead echo in a pipe. Blood, so much blood. She swam up through it, broke the surface gasping for air. Screamed._

_And then everyone was screaming, clawing at the thresher acid burning through their suits. Shepard crawled away, her leg broken. She cried out in pain._

_They were handing her mother a flag and a box small enough to hold a medal. Her mother was calm, but Shepard couldn't breathe. Her father was dead and she couldn't breathe, gasping._

_She gasped again as Kaidan entered her, and she folded her legs over his back. He groaned, pressed his lips to her collarbone, so warm. "Stay with me," she said. Their eyes met._

_Kaidan._

A shudder like the world was ripping apart. Shepard opened her eyes just as the rocket boosters flared, slowing the shuttle's approach to the planet's surface. It was a rougher landing than she expected, and Shepard winced as the motion jarred her head.

The flight computer pinged, signaling a successful arrival on Endymion. Shepard undid the straps on her seat, pulling herself upright. Her head was still sore, a dull throb beneath her helmet, but she could move now without the risk of falling down.

And she would have to move. There was something out there, something she had missed the last time. Something the geth were looking for. Something the Reapers wanted. She had to find it.

She sealed her hardsuit, strapped on her guns, and opened the shuttle door.

A score of geth waited outside, aiming their weapons straight at her chest.

#

"Ten minutes out from Endymion, Captain," Joker said.

Kaidan looked up from the pistol he was loading. "Thanks, Joker. Tell Makara and Solis to suit up."

"Aye-aye. Don't forget to pack a change of diapers for the kids."

He rolled his eyes and allowed himself a small grin. Makara would get surly if he ever heard that line, but Joker only teased Aldon and Rhona now. Jacen Shanahan and Esmѐ Alacrán he left alone-after what had happened on the _Asphodel_, nearly everyone did.

They had both been broken in their own way. Shanahan was in the medbay, recovering from the amp burnout his biotics had caused. He smiled a bit more often, seemed a tad more relaxed, but something had changed about him. There was no telling yet if it was for the good or bad.

But Alacrán...Kaidan regretted what had happened to her. If he had paid more attention to his crew, or kept them closer in the fight, maybe she wouldn't be like she was: Silent. Closed. There was a wall behind her eyes too high to see over. She spent most of her time in the armory, cleaning weapons and gear.

He was going to make this right, if he could. But first, he needed the answers on Endymion.

Makara and Solis were waiting by the Mako. In their Onyx hardsuits, they looked like experienced marines. When they saw him coming, they both straightened.

"We're dropping in the Mako today," Kaidan said. "You've run this in simulation before, but the reality is different. For one thing, the sim handles better. Unless it's an emergency, I will be driving.

"Second, the landings are rough and the seats have no cushion. Bring something to sit on, if you can.

"Last, but most important, _keep your seatbelt on_. You don't want to go rolling around in there if we dive off of a cliff. Trust me."

The kids shot wary glances at the Mako, but Kaidan was already getting in the driver's seat. They climbed in after him, immediately reaching for the seatbelts.

"Approaching the drop zone, captain," Joker said over the helmet's comm. "You guys ready?"

Kaidan glanced back at his team. They were buckled in, gripping their seats with white-knuckled intensity.

"Let's go, Joker."

"Dropping Mako."

The shuttle bay doors slid open, revealing the vast expanse of the planet below. Endymion glowed in the light of its moons, the open field before them seeming insubstantial. Makara and Solis gasped.

Something beeped, and then there was a thud and a hiss as the wheel locks disengaged. Kaidan slammed his foot on the accelerator, and the Mako shot into the atmosphere.

He hated this part, he really did. Shepard used to get giddy with the adrenaline rush, grinning like a madwoman. Now it was all on him. Solis and Makara were screaming, but Kaidan didn't notice. The whole of his attention was focused on the altitude levels displayed in front of him.

Not yet, not yet, not yet...

_Now!_

The boosters flared, throwing all three of them back. The Mako slowed, the ground got closer. With a shudder the Mako landed, tires hitting the ground once, twice, then settling onto the planet's surface. Kaidan stopped the rover, then leaned back and sighed.

"Okay back there?"

"Y-yes, captain."

If they had been green before, they looked positively ready to blow chunks now. Kaidan faced front again, his hands gripping the wheel.

"I've been here once before, with my former commander. That was months ago."

Makara recovered enough to lean forward, grinning. "I've heard of Endymion. Isn't it a honeymoon resort?"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Maybe. The geth didn't make for a very romantic atmosphere when we were there."

Solis leaned forward now, Makara going pale. "Geth?" She said.

"They attacked the resort, killed everyone inside. We cleared them out, set up an Alliance patrol, and moved on. It was a standard mission, really."

"Standard?" Solis squeaked out.

Her tone made him glance back. They did not look happy. Kaidan mentally kicked himself. Freaking new guys. When would he learn?

"That was months ago," he said. "Here's what's going to happen. We'll meet the patrol just inside the perimeter, give them our authorization codes, and go inside. From there it's just a matter of searching through the debis. Easy."

The Mako crested the top of the hill, the former resort laid out before them.

Two geth colossi stretched upward and fired. The blasts hit the Mako head on, rocking it on its axle.

"Shit!" Kaidan said, throwing the rover in full reverse. "Makara, man the cannon. Solis, the turrets. Shit."

Geth troopers began to pouring in from all sides. Kaidan grimaced. This was just like the geth ambush Shepard had gotten them into, when they'd investigated an emergency beacon.

What had Shepard done?

Kaidan grinned. It was the same kind of suicidal smile worn by stuntmen, skydivers, and one Spectre in particular.

"Hold on, and prepare to fire," he said. "We're going to plow the road."

He shifted the Mako out of reverse and shot forward-straight into the oncoming geth.

There were several indignant metallic screeches, cut off when they fell under the Mako's wheels. The colossi loomed ahead, looking confused somehow at this turn of events. When the Mako knocked them over, Kaidan circled around and did it again. Then he rolled over them, forward and back, laughing.

Meanwhile, Solis and Makara were firing away at the clusters of geth that were still attempting to inch their way toward the Mako. The rattle from the turrets was severe enough that Solis's arms were going numb, but it was similar enough to an assault rifle or SMG that she was able to hang on. Makara was simply too impatient for the main cannon. He smacked the controls on each of its cooldown cycles, gritting his teeth.

"Permission to go out there and kill them myself, captain?" He said.

Kaidan rolled over the colossi one more time, then sped off, the two geth tanks bursting sparks behind him. "Denied. We'll be at the facility in a minute."

But as said facility drew closer, Kaidan wanted to turn around again. The place was crawling with geth, and there was no sign of any Alliance patrol.

"Okay," he said, "here's what will happen. We're going to blow past any geth in our way, just like the last group. Then we park the Mako in front of the door to keep any geth from coming in behind us. Once we're inside, we go hard and fast. Get in, get the data, get out. I'll be leading, and you two will cover me. Understood?"

He thought he'd done a fairly decent job of not sounding utterly terrified. The kids were having less success with their own bluff-despite their best efforts, they both looked like they were about to pass out.

Kaidan's booted foot hit the accelerator. No turning back now.

#

It could get boring in the pilot's chair, sometimes. Especially when the stars of the _Normandy_'s little soap opera were planetside. So to kill time, Joker played the Scan the Planets game. Though it was his dearest ambition to scan Uranus (for obvious reasons), he looked over just about every planet they landed on.

So there he was, humming a song about life forms and roaming the scanner over Endymion's surface. There was a blip, and at first he thought he'd found the Mako. But it was the wrong size, and the energy signature was entirely different. Joker leaned forward, zooming in on the area...

An alarm went off, and the Mako came up on the scanner surrounded by geth signatures.

"Oh, shit," Joker said. "Kaidan, buddy, what have you gotten yourself into this time?"

All thoughts of the anomaly were gone, but the object itself was not.

#

Shepard was not dead.

Of course, she had no idea _why_ she was still alive, but the geth were not firing and she was still breathing. They had not lowered their guns, however.

The geth vocalized to each other, the same kind of almost-words noises they usually made when trying to flank her. But this time as they chattered, her head began to pound. The sorest part of her brain-the part that felt alien now, and tainted-threatened to split open. And the vocalizations, the whines of machines, became _coherent_.

They were debating. About her. They could hear her mind somehow, in a way that they couldn't with organics. _**It was a mind like the prophet's.**_

_**But it is not the prophet. It is Death.**_

_**Its mind has been touched by the Old Machines. It is a new prophet.**_

_**Death cannot be a prophet. The enemy of the Old Machines cannot speak for them.**_

As she listened to them speak, puzzling out meaning from a foreign tongue, realization dawned. When they said "Death", the vocalization sounded something like "zeh-dahrd". Zehdard. Shepard. The name "Shepard" literally meant "Death" in the geth language. She was a god of death.

If this day had been any less strange or terrifying, she would have laughed.

And then suddenly, a consensus was reached. One of the geth turned to her, gun raised, and vocalized. _**You will come. You will interpret the words of the Old Machines.**_

There was no choice here. Not yet, anyway. Shepard walked forward, surrounded on all sides by geth, drawing closer and closer to the facility. Her hands twitched, wanting to go for her guns, but she held back. Not time yet.

"What do you need me for?" She asked.

The geth did not stop, but one of them turned to look at her. _**Because you will tell us the will of the Old Machines.**_

Shepard frowned. "The Reapers? I thought you could already understand them?"

_**Yes. But this is only a piece. We cannot translate. You will do it for us.**_

"What do you mean, 'a piece'?"

_**You will translate. Your mind has been configured to the Old Machines.**_

Those words sent a chill up her spine, and Shepard unconsciously reached for the top of her helmet. Her head pounded more intensely the closer she came to the facility.

"What if I won't translate for you?" She asked. She had meant to say, 'What if I _can't_ translate'. But she knew now, after talking to the geth, that she could.

All of the geth vocalized at once, a mechanical concert.

_**We shoot. You die.**_

#

The former hotel had been cleared of bodies, but power cords were everywhere and the floors were greasy with oil. It was Feros all over again.

Kaidan's head pounded, black-yellow stripes flashing across his vision with every beat. His hardsuit's medical interface was doing its best to compensate for the migraine, but to little avail.

Makara had pulled out a ration bar and crammed it into his mouth. His cheeks bulged like a chipmunk's, but his eyes were narrowed, angry and serious. He and Solis flanked their captain, pressing forward at an unrelenting pace. Kaidan felt a grim pride in them and pressed on.

Retracing the path he had taken with Shepard so long ago was haunting. This was where they fought together, this was where she protected him, where she got shot. The room was lit with moonlight then and now, the air that filtered through his helmet thick with the scent of hot metal and sweat and gunsmoke. He wanted to throw up.

Another geth shrieked and died, and suddenly the way ahead was clear.

"Let's move," Kaidan yelled, and the three of them squeezed into the narrow hallway. He faced ahead while the kids covered the back. The elevator was just at the end of the hall, and if he remembered correctly, there was a wall safe somewhere in the offices above. It was as good a bet as any for the Prothean device.

"Captain?" Joker's voice crackled over the comm. "Can you hear me? I've got geth signatures everywhere...they're blocking our transmissions...like Feros...sending backup...Alenko..." His voice died away in a crackle of static.

The kids glanced at him, their nervousness showing through again.

"Keep going," he said. "Joker will send backup, and we are _not_ leaving without more information on that Prothean device."

As they boarded the elevator, Kaidan couldn't help thinking of Eden Prime, and Nihilus.

#

Shepard was getting tired. She didn't know how long she'd been on that table when her head was cut open (Where had that been? Who did it? Didn't matter.), but sleeping in a shuttle for days hadn't done her any favors. Her muscles were weak, atrophied, and her armor was heavy. If the geth decided to shoot her now, she wouldn't have the strength for a biotic barrier.

Several geth separated from the group, marching towards the front of the facility. The three that remained with her kept on as if the others hadn't left, watching her no closer than they had before. But she felt no compulsion to run.

Was it curiosity that kept her from pulling out her shotgun, the need to see this Reaper "piece"? Was it exhaustion? Or something more?

That was an answer best left alone.

They entered the facility through an old maintenance door, the geth chattering at her.

_**Organics within the perimeter. Do not attempt to fight.**_

Her? Not fight? Shepard's estimation of the geth dropped two levels. There were potential allies nearby and her guns were fully loaded, resting on her back and legs. Just what kind of incarnation of death did they think she was?

One with a _very_ bad headache at this thought of rebellion, apparently. But as they continued down the hallway, her hands itched for her pistol, her shotgun, for anything that would blow these flashlight heads to smithereens. But the pain in her head sunk its claws in deep, making her see spots. It kept her hands still, kept her obedient, kept her in line.

They entered a larger room, and Shepard was reminded of just how quiet the geth could be, despite being made of metal. Making almost no sound, the three synthetics moved to flank a single human figure standing in front of a wall safe, intent on cracking the security code.

Shepard's heart stopped. She recognized the set of those shoulders, that build. And no matter how good a marine he was, he still got entirely too distracted when he worked on a decryption.

Kaidan.

The geth were in firing position. He didn't hear them. They were going to shoot him and he didn't hear them. She had to stop them, had to-

Pain ripped through her, and she would have screamed if she'd had control of her mouth. It was like hot glass being forced through her skin, into her skull, digging fingers into her thoughts.

**OBEY.**

_No, Kaidan..._

**YOU WILL OBEY.**

_No!_

The geth aimed...

#

Kaidan jerked at the sound of gunfire.

_I've been shot_.

But...no, he hadn't. He was whole, alive, unharmed. Kaidan whipped around, looking for the source of the shot. Makara and Solis had been guarding the door, were they alright?

As he turned, he became aware of the acrid smell of a geth memory core shorting out. Three of them had come through the (previously locked) maintenance door and flanked him, though all were in pieces now. Who-

A woman stepped out from behind the maintenance door, lifting her pistol to point it toward the ceiling. Her hardsuit was charcoal grey, a red stripe on one shoulder. Her helmet obscured her face, but Kaidan didn't need to see it to know who it was.

"Shepard," he whispered. "You're alive."

"Hi, Kaidan." She chuckled, her voice weak. "We've got to stop meeting like this."

He stepped forward, catching her as she collapsed. Her pistol fell to the floor beside them, the thick carpet muffling the sound of its drop.

Kaidan held her, rocking gently back and forth as though she were a baby. He wasn't sure who he was comforting, himself or Shepard.

Aldon and Rhona backed into the room, keeping their weapons trained on the door. "Captain," Makara spoke over his shoulder, "we heard gunshots."

"The situation is under control," Kaidan replied. His voice was quiet. "What's your status."

Makara kept glancing over at his captain, at the woman in his arms. "Uh...the geth have retreated for the moment. Possibly to regroup?"

"No." Even now, Kaidan's voice was just above a whisper, his eyes never leaving Shepard. If it weren't for their suit's comm. they wouldn't have been able to hear him at all. But his voice retained its authority. "The geth don't work like that. If they've retreated, it's because something bigger has their attention. Lieutenant Mitra, most likely.

"Makara. I've nearly finished the decryption on the safe. Make the last two connections, then take _everything_ out of there. Solis, maintain watch on the door until Mitra's crew gets here."

"Aye, captain," they responded.

As Makara came closer to reach the safe, he stared openly at the woman. Red stripe, N7 insignia on the breastplate, a suggestion of a face through the helmet that looked so much like...

"Captain, is that-"

"Commander Shepard. The sole survivor of Akuze. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. She's a legend. A ghost. And she's alive."

Kaidan finally looked away from the woman he loved, his gaze boring into that of his subordinate.

"Get to work, Makara. We're getting her home."

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** I like to run over geth colossi. It's FUN.

So, next chapter there will be more squishy-squishy goo-fluff (yay!), and hopefully it won't take as long as this one. Yikes. Though to be honest, I would have finished typing it up much sooner if I hadn't been re-watching Doctor Who episodes for days and days. David Tennant, if you ever need someone to have your babies (or, you know, just want a prolonged snog), then I volunteer. Heartily volunteer.


	16. Our Battle

**Author's Note: **This is...a bit intense. You are forewarned.

* * *

Even though Doctor Chakwas was a medical officer, she still had battles of her own to fight. Illness, injury and death were unrelenting enemies, and she had lost against them on more than one occasion. But there were other fights. When the struggle was against the very patient she was trying to save, her will had to be stronger if she wanted to win the battle for that person's life.

No matter what, the doctor did not back down from a fight.

But when Captain Alenko ran into her medbay carrying the limp body of Commander Shepard, Chakwas didn't even try to ask him to leave. There are some battles that shouldn't be fought.

As she went to work removing the Commander's armor and prepping her for a round of tests, Kaidan removed his own plating and sat down next to Shepard's bed wearing only his bodysuit. Chakwas spared a glance of appreciation for the snug fit of the cloth before concentrating on her medical scans.

The work went on for hours. Chakwas ran each test twice, because as the results came back, the extent of Shepard's injuries became clear. And for this to have happened to the commander was...it was inconceivable.

For his part, Kaidan held Shepard's right hand in his own two, his head bowed over it as though in prayer. The doctor could only guess at what was going through his head. Thanks for having found her? Guilt over the state she was in? Grief at the thought of losing her again? Or were all of these thoughts simply too small, and he thought of nothing?

Shepard did not stir, except for the motion of her eyes beneath their lids. Dreaming again, just as she had so many months ago, when the _Normandy_ was still brand new and all of them had fewer scars.

And then, as the doctor put away the last of her equipment, Shepard gasped in pain and fright and attempted to sit up.

The reaction was immediate. Kaidan let go of her hand and grabbed her around the chest, holding her still and close. For a moment the commander's eyes were wild, unseeing and uncomprehending. Then she seemed to realize who was holding her and she relaxed, sighing, her eyes sliding half closed as she sank into the captain's arms. Kaidan closed his own eyes, face tense with his own pain and strength of feeling.

Chakwas looked away.

The two of them did not speak, so focused were they on each other's touch. Being together again after so long was, in its own way, just as painful as being apart. Feeling the other's presence brought the sharp pain of remembered loneliness and the intense, all-consuming fear of being left behind again.

It was Shepard who spoke first, a whisper in the cool room. "Kaidan. They didn't hurt you?"

By contrast, the captain's voice was rough, a rumble. "No. I thought you were dead, Shepard. What happened?"

In the silence, Chakwas glanced at Shepard, then stared. The commander, the strongest woman in the galaxy, was crying and shaking like a child.

"They hurt me, Kaidan."

The captain seemed ready to tear the galaxy apart at her words, ready to maul and dismember whoever had done this to Shepard. Chakwas took one look at his expression and automatically reached for a sedative.

"How, Shepard? What did they do?"

Shepard's eyes clenched tightly closed, as though she were in a nightmare or fighting a great pain.

"Nothing. Nothing. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Please, tell me the truth."

"There's nothing to tell. Now let me go."

"Never." Kaidan's arms drew tighter around her.

"Kaidan." Shepard stilled, her voice assuming the air of command that the doctor remembered so well. "I am ordering you to let me go."

He did not move. "Sorry, commander. I outrank you now; you're going to have to do better than that."

"I am a _Spectre_, damn you! Now you will let me go Alenko, or I will _make _you!"

While Shepard's voice had steadily risen, her tugs against his arms becoming increasingly frantic, Kaidan remained ever more in control. His reply carried all the weight and finality of a stone.

"No."

The commander exploded in biotic light, the dark energy throwing Kaidan against the wall behind her. Shepard stood up, blue-purple light dancing on her skin like fire. She turned, held up her hand as Kaidan stumbled to his feet.

"**This hurts you.**" She said, and smiled.

Chakwas felt her jaw drop just as Kaidan's did. That voice-Shepard's voice-sounded like a Reapers'. Her hand clenched around the sedative, and she darted forward, hoping she could be just fast enough, just this once...

Shepard jerked, her attention shifting from Kaidan, and she thrust her hand outward. Chakwas fell back, slamming into a table, crying out.

"**Your lives are insignificant.**" Shepard said, staring at the doctor with the cold eyes of a machine. "**And I am the instrument of your destruction**."

And then Kaidan tackled her to the floor, trying to pin her arms as she fought his hold. Shepard met his gaze. "**Still holding back? Does this cause you pain, knowing that another woman you loved has betrayed you?"**

Kaidan's own biotics flared, his face twisted into a grimace of rage. "Let her go, you bastard!"

"**You will have to do better than that.**"

She kneed his crotch and twisted, throwing him over her head. As they both scrambled to their knees, biotic energy humming through the room, Shepard said, "**The krogan once asked you how you would fight this human. You said that you would not.**"

"You're not Shepard!" Kaidan yelled.

"**But this is that human's body. With each blow, you damage her. To kill me, you will kill her. What will you do, human?**"

Chakwas watched as Kaidan was torn between the man and the captain. She remembered Shepard's face after Noveria, Virmire, the Citadel. Now Kaidan Alenko faced his own choice, staring into the face of the woman he loved.

And then his eyes flicked to the syringe in the doctor's hand.

He looked back at Shepard, his face set. "This." His biotics flared, one hand thrust out. Shepard moved to counter, dancing past the warp field and throwing out a singularity. Kaidan clenched his hand into a fist...and caught her. She was trapped in stasis.

"Doctor!" Kaidan snapped. He held out his palm, and Chakwas tossed the syringe into it.

Kaidan spun, swinging the needle towards Shepard's bare arm just as she began to move. For a moment they stood in each other's arms, like a couple about to embrace, or dance, or kiss. They stared into each other's eyes, and all the fight was gone. Then Shepard slumped, her eyelids sliding closed, and Kaidan was the only thing holding her up.

All they did was breathe, at first. Then Kaidan pulled the commander into his arms and laid her on the bed, pulling the syringe out of her forearm as he did so.

"Doc," he said, holding out his hand to help Chakwas off the floor, "tell me what your scans found in her brain."

#

Shepard opened her eyes and winced. _Ow. Ow ow ow ow owwwww..._

"Kill me now," she muttered.

"Jane."

Kaidan leaned into her line of sight, his hand reaching out to cup her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Like someone kicked the crap out of me," she replied, trying to grin and wincing again. "What happened?"

At that, Kaidan looked up at Doctor Chakwas, who was sitting on her other side. The doctor looked at Shepard, then put her hand over a sedative resting on the bedside table.

"What do you remember, commander?" Chakwas asked.

Oh, God. What had she done?

She had woken up. Her head hurt. She yelled...yelled at Kaidan. Attacked him with her biotics. Hurt the doctor. She had almost killed them. _Would_ have killed them. And Kaidan was looking at her with such pain, worried about _her_, not if she was going to kill them but just _her_. And she had almost ripped him apart.

"Kaidan...oh my God. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm...oh, _God_."

And her walls, weak from so many months of desperation and separation from him, began to build. She had done it, she had lost control, and she had almost lost him. Never again, _never_. She would have to be so much stronger now. Tears slid down her face, and she clutched at his hand with hers, but her voice was calm.

"You've got to stop me. I can't do that again. Lock me up, put me in cryo, whatever it takes. _I don't know what's happening to me_."

"I think I do." The doctor took her hand off the syringe and picked up a datapad instead. "Shepard, this is...difficult. There is a Reaper shard in your brain. Its presence is causing advanced indoctrination, but also advanced healing. The entry site has already scarred over. To remove the shard would render you clinically brain dead. There is...there's nothing I can do.

"I'm so sorry, commander."

Shepard stared straight at the ceiling. The words, the diagnosis, the death that awaited her, were simply too big. She waited for it to fit inside her head, this idea that she had to choose between insanity and death. It wasn't happening.

She looked to Kaidan, who squeezed her hand and looked back.

"Doctor Chakwas?" He said. His voice was tired. There had been too much pain today. "Could we have some time? Shepard and I need to discuss our options."

"Of course, Captain."

The door slid open, and then slid shut. Deep down, the engine hummed. Someone sang as they climbed out of one of the sleeper pods next door. And Kaidan held Shepard's hands while they listened to each other breathe.

Sometimes, there are no words.

* * *

**Final Author's Note:** Told ya. I've had the "reunion fight" in mind ever since chapter five, so many months ago. Damn you, Wrex! Oh, and also Stay With Me has officially reached 100 reviews! Yay! Thank you to everyone who's supported and read thus far. The end is in sight now, friends. Soon, all will be revealed.

(Also, if you have questions now would be the time to bring them up. Just in case I forget something.)


	17. Our Pieces

**Author's Note: **Ahem. I am embarrassed. There were a few (very nice!) people to whom I promised to have this chapter done by...sometime last week. Or the week before. Anyway, I forgot the part where I'm having to move again, so that caused delays. And then I wrote myself into a corner, so that caused further delays. But it's here now.

* * *

Kaidan waited until Shepard had fallen asleep before he left to make this report. It killed him to leave her, but he was also long overdue for a shower and change of clothes, and he still had his responsibilities as captain.

He showered first, the hot water doing little to melt away the stress that clung to his muscles. As he stood under the stream, so tired he had to lean against the wall, he deeply wished that Shepard was standing there with him.

What had happened to her?

The rest of his shower forgotten, Kaidan pulled a towel around his waist and sat down in front of his computer. An idea had formed. His fingers flew over the keyboard, sending the message to a select few.

_Hold on Shepard, _he thought. _Just hold on_.

#

"He's leaving," Aldon said. "Come on."

The four kids had been waiting outside the medbay for hours, ever since the ground team had gotten back to the ship. Aldon and Rhona had been so excited that Joker had asked if they could refrain from wetting themselves on _his_ ship, thank-you-very-much. To which Aldon had replied that _anyone_ would wet themselves after meeting Commander Shepard even if she was unconscious at the time, and Joker had jumped out of his seat, yelling about Freaking New Guys and traitorous captains and how no one ever told him _anything_. He hobbled to the medbay on his crutches, swearing loudly when he reached the stairs. After what seemed like only a few seconds he came hobbling back, grumbling under his breath. He sat back down, glaring at the flight screen.

Rhona and Aldon stared at his back, waiting. "Well?" They asked.

Ever so slowly, Joker turned his head until he was looking at them over his shoulder. "Shepard's hurt. I'm not allowed in. Ergo, _you_ have no way in _hell_ of getting in. Now go away, kiddies. I've got work to do."

And so the stakeout had begun. Their reasoning, as Rhona put it, went like this: Commander Shepard is a person of concern to our captain. Captain Alenko's concerns are our concerns, and we want to assist the Commander in any way possible. Plus, I really, _really_ want her autograph.

As soon their captain had disappeared into his cabin, Makara, Solis, Alacrán, and Shanahan made a break for the medbay. The captain had locked it behind him, but after a quick flash from Jacen's omni-tool, they were in.

"She's asleep," Esmѐ whispered. "We should go, let her rest-"

"But what if she wakes up?" Aldon countered. "Someone should be here if she needs anything."

"What she _needs_," Shepard said, making them jump, "is a good stiff drink." She opened her eyes, and one eyebrow went up. "Which none of you look old enough to provide. When did the _Normandy_ get assigned raw recruits?"

Aldon's back stiffened. "We're all L4 biotics from the Ascension program, the best the Alliance has to offer."

Shepard's eyebrow went even higher, if that was possible. "Funny," she said, "that's what they used to say about me." Her brow dropped and she turned to look at the ceiling. "Doesn't say much for their standards, though. Here I am in the medbay again. How many _competent_ soldiers have frequent user credits at the local clinic?"

Jacen's eyes narrowed; he watched her every move, focused the whole of his attention on her.

"But you're amazing!" Rhona said, gripping the edge of the bed. "Every girl in the Alliance wants to be just like you!"

That got the commander's attention. She looked at the young blonde whose eyes were wide with adoration, and her own eyes widened in shock.

"Why would to _want_ to?" She asked. "People call me a hero, but I will never deserve that."

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment, then looked at each of them in turn. "You probably won't go through the hell I did, but this line of work isn't easy, and it isn't for the weak."

"Don't worry about us," Makara said, putting his hand on Rhona's shoulder. "You should've seen our last mission. We kicked so much ass-"

"And if Alenko hadn't been there, you would have died." Shepard said.

Makara gaped at her. Then his hands clenched, and he glared. The others looked down at their feet.

"You don't know anything about us," he said. "You've never seen our records, or seen us fight. We're the best biotics the Alliance has ever trained!"

His teeth were gritted and he was shaking, ready to explode. Shepard smiled.

"Sorry, kid. I know soldiers, and I know biotics. I can guarantee that Alenko is light-years better than you. You've seen him fight?"

Aldon continued to glare, but Rhona nodded.

"He was part of the very first human biotics training program, and he's been a marine his entire adult life. You have a lot of potential, but you're going to need more than that if you want to stay alive. You've already had a close call, right?"

The others nodded. Aldon scowled and looked away.

"So you know what I'm talking about," Shepard said. She looked directly at Aldon, staring him down until he met her gaze. "Relying on your teammates or your superiors isn't a weakness, and it isn't something to be ashamed of. I can't even count how many times I would have died if Kai-if Alenko hadn't been there for me. So learn from him."

After that, Shepard didn't talk much. She asked them to tell her about their captain, and for the next hour they obliged her.

#

It seemed like only a moment later when her eyes slid open again, gritty with sleep. All of the kids were gone except for a petite, dark-haired figure huddled in a chair in the corner.

"Ash?" Shepard murmured.

The girl looked up, and it was not Ashley's face. There was too much fear there, and her skin was a shade paler. Shepard realized that she was one of the teenagers from earlier. But while the others had talked on and on, this one had stood behind them, silent.

They watched each other with eyes that were wounded and weary. As sometimes happens, in those moments they understood each other completely.

"Hi," Shepard whispered. The girl bowed her head for a moment in acknowledgement, but couldn't quite meet Shepard's eyes again.

"I'm Private Esmѐ Alacrán, ma'am," she said. Her voice was louder than a whisper or a murmur, but could still barely be heard. "You fell asleep. Captain Alenko sent the others away. He left me to watch you until he gets back, because I'm quiet and he doesn't trust the others not to bother you while he's working. Am I? Bothering you?"

Shepard started to shake her head, then groaned as the pain began to thud against her skull. It had hardly been noticeable when the other kids had been there, but whatever painkiller the doctor had given her must finally be wearing off. "Ow...no, no you're not bothering me. What's Alenko up to?"

At first she thought the girl, Esmѐ, had lost her words. She stared at Shepard, unblinking. Then she shrugged, a normal teenager again.

"He's been making reports, getting permission to take on new crew. Whatever he's doing, it's to help you."

Esmѐ looked away again, and her words came out in a rush. "You listen. All the time, to everyone. And you give really good advice. Aldon is stubborn, but he'll do what you said because it's right. But I...I don't know what to do. Not anymore. I'm afraid."

She met her eyes again, and this time Shepard could see past the thin walls that could barely hold back the tide of guilt and shame.

Many times before, Shepard had wondered just how she had been appointed everyone's personal savior and if it was too late to resign. But looking at this girl now, she had no doubts. Her spine straightened.

"Tell me," she said.

When Esmѐ was a girl, slavers had attacked her colony.

"They were shooting people. So many. There were these wires...they put them in your brain, and all you could do was scream. Those people were still alive. Still awake. They felt everything."

She paused, pulled in a breath as if it were water from a well.

"They left a gun next to my hand.

"I was six years old and I killed three batarian. When the Alliance came, they found me, found out I was a biotic. Used a warp on a slaver. His insides were...one of the soldiers threw up. When the Ascension program started, I was one of the first enrolled."

Shepard remembered speaking to Lieutenant Zabaleta, and the horror that still lived in his eyes. The horror Esmѐ could not face.

"You're from Mindoir," she said.

The girl flinched, then nodded. "I thought I had put it behind me," she said. "Forgotten. But when we had to shoot those husks...I couldn't. I panicked. What could I...what did I do wrong? How can I stop it?"

As Esmѐ watched her, waiting for a response, Shepard felt a chill crawl up her spine. Her mother had once mentioned that when Jane was born, the Shepards had considered resigning their posts and settling on a colony world. Hannah Shepard had particularly liked Mindoir.

_That could have been me,_ she thought. _Could I have lived through that, and through Akuze, and still be sane? I don't know._

"No one can forget their past," Shepard said. She picked over the words, treading carefully. "Some never get over it, and they resign. A few revel in it, spend today reliving yesterday, and that will break them. Because everyone breaks.

"Your breaking point happened early on, and you'll move past it. Others go for years before they see something that rips them apart, and they're not prepared for it. They resign, or get reassigned."

"Will it happen again?" Esmѐ whispered.

"Yes. But you'll be stronger. One day you won't even flinch. The pain is there, but...you own it. Not the other way around."

Shepard felt her eyes slide closed again. She was so tired.

"Commander? Have you ever broken?"

"All the time. Right now I'm picking up the pieces."

#

Someone was stroking her hair. Despite all her training, she did not panic at the unexpected intimacy. The touch was too comforting, and too familiar. His hands. Her eyes stayed closed, feigning sleep.

She loved Kaidan's hands. They were large enough to hold her, strong enough to keep her steady. The calluses that had formed after years of military life might deter some women, but Shepard reveled in the contrast of hardened skin and the gentle man beneath. As he smoothed her hair away from her forehead, she could just feel the static pull of his biotics on hers. It was like the feeling of a vid screen under her hand, that hum of power, of heat, of pure energy. She remembered him running his over her before Ilos, the response it had elicited...

Yes, Shepard loved Kaidan's hands.

"Are you awake?" He asked, one finger tracing her eyebrow. His voice was low, husky, barely above a murmur.

Shepard opened her eyes, groaning. "I don't want to be. I didn't think it was possible for my head to hurt this much."

Kaidan's fingers moved to her temples and began stroking there. "I'll talk to the doctor about it, see if I can get you some of the painkillers I use."

"That feels good," Shepard said, eyes sliding half-closed in response to his touch. "How do you do it? Live with those migraines and still be such an incredible human being?"

"I'm Jesus."

"I knew it." She gritted her teeth. "This pain...it's like my brain is burning. A constant raging fire from the inside out."

He leaned forward, kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry."

And he was. For all his resolve to protect her, to be strong for her, she was lying in the medbay again, likely to die this time. That could not happen. Not again. Kaidan knew that if he lost her a second time, he would not be able to come back from it. There was only so much grief the human heart could bear.

"One of your crew," Shepard began, "Esmѐ? She said you were making calls. Anything I should know?"

He nearly choked. Even now, lying in bed in a hospital gown with her muscles weak and atrophied and a Reaper shard _in her brain_, she was still trying to be the boss and make a plan. Kaidan was torn between laughter and tears and feeling inordinately, ridiculously proud of her.

"I'm going to save you, you know that?" His voice sounded ragged even to his own ears.

Shepard reached out and touched his cheek and smiled in a way that didn't quite meet her eyes. "Of course. It's your typical story. A man goes into space to prove himself to the woman he loves..."

Kaidan tried to smile back. "Or, you know. For justice."

They were quiet for a little bit after that, their mouths occupied with other things. Each touch was tentative, gentle, both of them fragile for their own reasons.

When they spoke again, Shepard said, "You called Liara, didn't you?"

He nodded. "And Tali and Garrus. How did you know?"

"It's what I would have done. Wrex can't make it?"

"No. Apparently the situation on Tuchanka is...tense. But he said if you die because of a little hunk of metal, he'd kill you himself."

Shepard smiled again. This time it was genuine. "He's such a softie."

Kaidan didn't smile back; his gaze was focused entirely on Shepard's hands. "I need to tell you something."

"Anything. Just as long as it isn't as bad as you make it sound."

"No, it's not. Shepard...when you left on your mission, I wanted to tell you, but I never made it clear. And then you were gone, and I got word that you died. I realized that I'd never come right out and said it. It drove me crazy thinking that I would never have the chance."

She grabbed his hand and squeezed. "Kaidan, if you don't stop speaking like an astrologer I'm going to have to strangle you. What is it?"

He looked her in the eye, and there was a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. "Shepard, I...I love you. It feels like I always have. But I've never just said those words. I'm sorry. I love you."

It took a lot to take out Commander Shepard. But that had done the trick. She sat there, staring at him, waiting for her brain to reboot. Then she smiled again, and pulled him in for a kiss.

"I know. I've always known. And I love you, too."

* * *

**Final Author's Note: **Oh my sweet fluffy lord, I think I went overboard with the end there. Please give me some feedback on this; I have an alternate available if necessary. *Fret fret fret*

Argh! The closer I get to the end, the harder it is to write! Could someone kill me, please? Just a quick blow to the head. Thanks.

I think (or at least, I'm kind of hoping) that the final chapter is going to be number 20. Who will follow me into the breach?


	18. Our Connections

**Author's Note: **Not dead! Just busy. First there was the move back to Texas, then various doctor's appointments and being re-registered at the local college. But those are not adequate excuses, and for that I apologize.

What IS an adequate excuse is this: I've found my own Kaidan Alenko. No, we haven't had our Night Before Ilos, but there hasn't been a Horizon Argument either. I'm giddy, you guys. Can you blame me for being distracted?

That said, I'm back with a vengeance. To get prepped for this chapter I've been working on a bunch of side projects, some of which are ME music videos. You can watch them on my youtube channel, username Tales2TellU. Enjoy, everybody!

* * *

Commander Shepard is distracted. The images flashing through her head are violent, cold, relentless. Over seven hundred cycles of death, trillions of lives ripped apart each time. Endless.

The pain consumes her until all she can see, all she can _feel_, is wave after pulsing wave of red haze. Everything is a nightmare. Any voice that tries to reach her is distorted and corrupted into screams of agony. The people themselves are twisted, bleeding, doomed.

She has one surety. The hand that grasps hers will not let go. It is the only lifeline she has.

#

As Garrus stepped onto the _Normandy_ again, he felt some small, significant part of him sigh in relief. Amazing that this one ship felt more like home than his own planet, or even the Citadel. It shouldn't have been possible, but the Commander had pulled them together despite it all.

She was the reason he was here now.

Hardly any of the crew were at their stations, only the bare minimum required while the ship was at dock. Even Joker wasn't in his chair. Garrus hadn't thought that was possible, but Shepard's presence did things to people.

The crowd of people missing from their chairs were just outside of the medbay, waiting. A few of them prayed. Joker was closest to the door, a knot of adolescents right behind him. Garrus stopped, laid a hand on the pilot's shoulder.

"How have you been?"

He shrugged, and Garrus removed his hand. Joker took it in his own and gave it a shake.

"Coping. Haven't broken any bones lately, so Chakwas had to find a new patient. Shepard doesn't like it."

Garrus tensed, turning his head to stare at the medbay door. "How bad?"

"Hell, I don't know." Joker hung his head, shaking it from side to side. "She looked like she was fine at first, just tired. Then she collapsed. Tali and Liara have been in there for hours already. I don't think Chakwas has taken a break for days."

"And Kaidan?" If there was a hint of jealousy there, no one remarked on it.

Joker looked up, and his expression was one of awe. "He hasn't left her since he called you. The entire time he's been just sitting there, holding her hand and waiting for you guys."

It had been almost a full standard week since Kaidan had called him. Garrus' eyes widened, his mandibles flared. Without another word, he turned and went through the medbay doors.

The scene that awaited him was like one might see at someone's deathbed. Specifically Shepard's. The Commander had been strapped down, her muscles straining as her eyes twitched beneath the lids in some fevered dream. Garrus noted the waxy pallor to her skin, the sweat that beaded her forehead. Doctor Chakwas was injecting something into her IV while Liara watched a screen nearby, frowning at what could only be spikes in her brain waves. Tali had her omni-tool out, comparing what she saw there with another screen next to Shepard.

In the place of honor at the Commander's right was Captain Kaidan Alenko. His head was bowed, possibly in some kind of catnap, but the fingers of his left hand were laced with Shepard's right. She held him with all her strength, his skin white in places from her tight grip. As Garrus watched, her hold relaxed for a moment, then tightened again. Kaidan did not move.

"How is she?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Doctor Chakwas looked him in the eye. "She won't last much longer like this. Unless we can shut down that _thing_ in her brain, it will kill her. Her body will still live, but all that we know of Shepard will be wiped away."

Garrus looked again at the woman on the bed. She looked so frail, lying there. "Who would do this to her?" He asked.

"We don't know," Tali said. "But I think we may have a solution. Look at this Prothean device Kaidan found."

She held out what looked like a dull black rectangle. It had been inscribed with Prothean signs and symbols, so old his translator could take no logic from them. Garrus opened his omni-tool and scanned it. The signals coming from inside the box caused his eyes to fly open.

"It's..."

"A Reaper shard, just like the one in Shepard's brain. The device is suppressing the indoctrination fields."

Liara, Tali, and Chakwas were all looking at him intently. Garrus could feel his hands shaking. "If we can reverse engineer this," he said slowly, "we can save Shepard. That's why Kaidan called us here?"

"Yes."

They all looked over at the man in the chair. Captain Alenko stared back, dark circles under his eyes and whiskers starting to grow on his face. If Shepard died, he looked ready to follow her into the grave.

"When you decrypted the message from Endymion, it mentioned the device and what it could do." The captain looked at Shepard. "That's why I went back for it. And because a shuttle on the Spectre ship _Asphodel_ had been deployed to that location. I found Shepard there, and that device. Maybe she knew, subconsciously, that this thing was her only chance."

He looked back at them all, and could not hide the desperation in his voice. "Please. Help me save her. I can't do it alone."

Without a word, they each came forward and put a hand on his shoulders. They huddled together, still a crew, still family. It was then that Shepard's eyes flew open.

"KAIDAN!" She screamed.

Doctor Chakwas ran for the IV, sedative in hand, while Kaidan bent over Shepard and murmured in her ear. He brushed her hair out of her face with his free hand, kissing her over and over. The gentle touches and soft words calmed her, and as the drugs entered her system her eyes slid closed once more.

"It's happening more frequently," Liara said. "Only three hours since the last time."

"She does this often?" Garrus asked.

The asari showed him Shepard's chart. "Every so often, the Reaper becomes too much for her. It uses her nightmares to weaken her, then takes control. But we usually have a little time before to put her under again before it takes over completely. It's possible that her acquisition of the Cipher is what is saving her life. The Reaper shard cannot get a hold on her mind very easily because of the Prothean memories. But the Reapers are winning."

"Then we don't have much time to figure this out," Garrus said, frowning at his omni-tool. "Tali, could you show me your notes on this?"

#

When it came to machines and computers, very few people could match Tali'Zorah. The way she moved through systems, especially ones considered "outdated", left most sentient beings in awe. Garrus was no exception. But when it came to hacking, he had an edge on her. His time with C-Sec had exposed him to every trick a hacker could pull out of his hat. Together, they worked quickly.

Still, they had been at it for hours before Garrus finally called a break. Tali had begun nodding off, and he recalled just how long she had been without a break. Likely she hadn't slept much on the trip here, either.

As the quarian stumbled away to find a bunk, Garrus followed behind her to get to the mess. The crowd by the door had dissipated, Joker included. Even with such a dire emergency, this was still a warship, and they all still had duties to perform. But Garrus had no doubt that they would be back.

The mess was still equipped for dextro diets, and he sighed with relief upon seeing the coffee machine. He still remembered all the little quirks about the machine; the mug had to be placed just so, and when it made the gurgling sound he banged on the top until it hissed. Garrus made two mugs and went back to the medbay.

Kaidan was slumped over again, but when Garrus approached he lifted his head. "That for me?" He asked, looking pointedly at the mug.

"Cream and cinnamon with two sugars, right?" He handed the appropriate one over and watched as Kaidan gulped it down. "When did you last sleep?"

Brown, bleary eyes regarded him over the rim of the mug. "What day is it?"

A quick check of his omni-tool. "According to your calendar, it's the second day of the ninth month."

"About five days then."

"Kaidan, that's not healthy. You need to get some rest."

The mug came down on the table with a clatter. Now Kaidan's expression was deadly serious, and all the more terrifying for his exhausted countenance. "I'm not leaving her. So if you want me to rest, then work faster."

Garrus turned away, settling down to his notes once more.

#

"So, here's the procedure," Tali said as she hooked up several wires around the bed. "We've rigged the Prothean device to transmit into the Reaper shard. It will shut down each system it encounters one at a time."

"We tried to reconfigure it to kill the whole thing at once," Garrus continued, "but with Shepard in such a fragile state, the shock could kill her. As it is, she should gradually come out of it."

"Good work," Kaidan said. He looked over at Doctor Chakwas, who nodded. Then he turned to Liara. "I'd like you to link minds with Shepard during the procedure. Just keep an eye on her thoughts and describe them to us as best you can. If something goes wrong...we'll have to stop and think of a new plan."

The others exchanged glances. Shepard didn't have time for a "new plan". Liara placed a hand against Shepard's forehead, her eyes darkening. "Ready."

Garrus and Tali tapped at their omni-tools, monitoring the device and directing its attack.

Kaidan's hand tightened on Shepard's.

In a low monotone, Liara's voice began to tell what she saw.

* * *

**Final Author's Note: **Only two chapters left now. I've got them all planned out on post-it notes, and I think you all will like how it ends. I hope.

One last thing; I believe I called you guys "into the breach" last time. This was a typo. It should have been, "who will follow me **onto** the **beach**". We apologize for this error and now expect you to hit the sand for your Labor Day weekend. That is all.


	19. Our Survival

**Author's Note: **Everyone should have their own Kaidan Alenko. That is all.

_

* * *

_

_Worlds die, and all Shepard can do is watch. They come again, these Old Machines, and each time is the same. There is only death here. Only sorrow._

_For some reason, she cannot use her right hand._

#

"I've activated the system, Kaidan. Infiltrating the Reaper firewalls."

"Keelah, look at the coding! It's ancient, but far more advanced than anything...anything I've ever dreamed of seeing."

"But the patterns are consistent with my studies on the Protheans. The level of destruction...oh, Shepard."

#

_The image jitters, and now she is separate from it instead of within it. She can turn away if she chooses, and because she can choose, she faces it without fear. _

_She remembers...a song. Long, mournful notes like the voices of whales, sweeping across worlds and through the stars. The Singing Planet. The Rachni._

_When Sovreign approaches them, she is there. She witnesses the Reaper blowing past the Rachni ships, landing on their world. The soldiers cannot make a dent in it. But as they continue to attack the leviathan, their song begins to change. They go mad. They attack each other._

_Alarmed, the queens come out to reassure their children, to find what has gone wrong. But they grow ever more confused with each moment. It takes very little time before they are indoctrinated._

_The Rachni are enslaved. Sovreign is triumphant, and begins to plan._

_Until the relay opens up, she thinks. Didn't expect that did you, you bastard? You had to fight before you were ready, using the Rachni. And maybe you could have won if it weren't for the Krogan._

_Death, death again and the song dies, ugly and changed though it is. The singers fall silent until the stars are quiet. But in their last notes is a relief. These aliens, these "krogan", have freed them._

#

"So far so good. The Reaper put up some resistance, but it looks like we can overcome it. Now, for the next-"

"Tali!"

"The Reaper has control of her medulla oblongata. It's forcing her heart to stop!"

"I'm administering adrenaline..."

"By the Goddess! Hold on to her, Kaidan! Hold on!"

#

_Some of us will never be free._

_Protheans speak to her, urgently, their voices rising in a shout. Dead, all dead. The Old Machines, it was the Reapers. They kill. They destroy. They twist and taint until nothing good is left, and there is only them. Help us. Help us. We will never be free._

_She sees a flash of a bug-like carapace and luminous eyes._

**This is what you face. We are limitless. We will end you.**

#

"The Reapers are fighting back; they're overriding our programming. Garrus, can you re-route these circuits-?"

"Shepard! She's seizing, give me that towel...Shepard? Can you hear me? Bite down on this...you've got to fight them..."

#

_They watch her as she fights Saren. Her face is determined, controlled, focused. As she fights for her life against them, they are assessing her. And she is receiving high marks._

**Impressive, Shepard. You could be useful. Submit now.**

_Instead she does what she was born to do, trained to do-she fights, pressing against this presence in her mind. The intruder does not yield, and presses back. The pain is immense._

_When she killed Saren, killed Sovereign, she sealed her fate. They wanted her, and they would have her. And then she came to them. Battle woke them up from the long sleep, made them aware, and there was Shepard. When she tried to run with her allies, they opened the ship, snatching the organics out of space. _

_Shepard awoke during the procedure. She screamed as they cut open her head. _

_But the results were undeniable. Turians, asari, salarians...all incompatible with their needs. At best they would only be slaves. The potential of humans, of Shepard, was confirmed._

_When Shepard tried to escape, they allowed it. It was a simple matter to alter the flight plan, to guide her to one of their number sleeping beneath a planet's surface. Let her run. She would not run far._

#

"Let go of her!"

"Dammit Kaidan, I'm trying to save her! Now stand aside or you'll lose her for good."

"She needs me here, Garrus. She needs me to watch her back while she wages a war. And she does not need a spike in her brain!"

"It may be the only way we can boost the signal in such short notice. We're running out of time Kaidan, and if I have to force you out-"

"I think you're forgetting whose ship you're on, Vakarian! And as of now, I have every right to kick you out of this medbay. Give me an excuse. I dare you."

"Captain Alenko-"

"Jacen, GET OUT OF HERE!"

#

_The damaged ship they had captured was released. Any remaining organics within had been converted and were no longer a threat. But they were monitored._

_And Shepard saw Kaidan._

_She was proud, so proud of his skill. And worried for the pain in his eyes. Unknowingly, she reached for him. But still they watched her. Always they watched her, and they saw her attention._

**Human. Viable possibility, great biotic potential. Easily subjugated.**

_The assessment shifts, turns to Kaidan in battle. He fights at her side, rips enemies apart. With every kill, their estimation rises. And Shepard's memories are full of this man. She throws up a barrier, and it holds for a moment before they blast through it._

_No! Not Kaidan!_

_Every moment she has of him, every private thought, is laid bare. The first time they met on the _Normandy, _his awkward smile and crisp salute, becomes a character evaluation. Her cursory glance at his butt later on is analyzed not for aesthetic value but for muscle tone. His biotics combining with hers, bathing the both of them in blue as their tongues run across tingling skin...this becomes a grade for his biotic potential and control._

_She has led them right to the man she loves. _

#

"Officer Vakarian, you will remove your hand from our superior officer."

"Rhona, Aldon, Jacen, if you don't put those weapons away, I will see you dishonorably discharged from Alliance service. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then put your weapons away."

"No, sir. Our duty is to protect our superior officers from harm, and we have not yet relinquished that duty. Esmѐ, escort Officer Vakarian to a safe distance from the Captain."

"Agh! Son of a-"

"Garrus! Private, we are in the middle of a medical procedure! Stand down!"

#

_No. They couldn't have him. She wouldn't allow it. They would not lay one single synthetic finger on Kaidan Alenko._

_She pushed back, the familiar liquid rush of dark energy running down her arms. The Reapers tried to envelope her, to feed off of the biotic energy, but there was something they hadn't counted on._

_Her right hand was holding something. _

_Power flowed through that hand, up her arm. An entirely foreign presence that was also her ally and not an antagonist. She could use this. The Reaper faltered, sliding back._

_Got you now, bastard._

#

"Kaidan, are you all right?"

"Captain?"

"...I don't...energy drink. Could someone get me an energy drink? Protein bar?"

"I have them here...didn't you eat an hour ago?"

"Something's draining me. I think it's Shepard."

"Then you have to let go-"

"No."

"Captain? What if we...helped too? What if she needs that connection with other biotics? Could we all support her?"

"...do it."

#

_She had it now, she was sure of it. Its grip was sliding away as she pushed it, back into the dark corners of her mind. A trillion alien voices pushed with her. A fountain of biotic power flowed through her, out of her, creating a corona of light against the utter blackness._

_The Reaper flailed against her. _**You cannot resist**_, it protested. _**We are superior. We will end you. You cannot stop us, Shepard.**

_Watch me._

_And then she twisted the perceptions of her mind, turning her push into a warp field with the Reaper trapped inside it. Layer by layer, she began pulling it apart._

_Images flashed in front of her, of stars and species and death, and a Reaper buried in Endymion, and streams of code that were now meaningless to her. This was its life flashing before its eyes._

#

"We have it! We have it, now! It's working, Shepard's going to make it!"

"Just the last lines of code left..."

"Kaidan, are you alright?"

"Captain? Captain!"

"Doctor Chakwas, something's wrong with the captain, he's collapsed!"

* * *

**Final Author's Note: **Oh my, a cliffhanger! Shepard is on the road to recovery, but what has become of Kaidan? Find out next time on the last chapter of Stay With Me!


	20. Our Future

**Final Author's Note: **Here we are, boys and girls. The final chapter. I started this fic in January 2008, and here it is, two years and nine months later. I will be posting an 'Afterward' chapter, and that will be that. Thank you for following me for so long.

* * *

When Shepard woke up, she had a headache. Not the piercing kind, or the fiery kind, but the kind where it felt like her entire brain was swelling against her skull. Not only that, but her mouth was gummy, her teeth fuzzy, and her entire body ached. What had she been doing last night?

As her eyes opened and caught the bright lights of the medbay, everything came streaming back. The mission. The Reapers. The geth. And a voice in her head, narrator to a nightmare that would not stop. She thought she would go insane, but she hadn't. Someone had thrown out a lifeline, and she had grasped at it, at that hand that had saved her...Kaidan's hand.

Her hands were empty.

She sat up, her vision blurring as her eyes tried to adjust. Her brain made a protest, the pain forcing a hand to her head. "Kaidan?" She called, stumbling off the bed. "Kaidan?"

Familiar hands grabbed her arms, forcing her to sit down. Doctor Chakwas looked into her eyes, shining a penlight against her pupils. "It's all right, Commander. Calm down."

"What happened?" Shepard used her boss voice, the I'm-a-N7-and-a-Spectre-and-I-have-enough-clearance-to-talk-to-gods tone that won arguments and commanded troops. "Tell me what happened after you had to put me under the first time."

The doctor ignored her; she was used to treating belligerent marines, no matter what their rank. She wrote something down on her datapad, then said, "How is your vision? Better? Worse?"

When her glare brought no response, Shepard sighed. "About normal. I have a headache, but I don't think it will last. Could I get a drink? And a report on what happened?"

Chakwas handed her a cup and waited until Shepard had drained it. When she was satisfied that her patient wasn't dehydrated, she took back the cup.

"The initial incident was two weeks ago. We kept you in an induced coma until Captain Alenko could assemble the crew necessary to perform the procedure that would save your life. But the Reapers were fighting the drugs, and I had more and more difficulty keeping you under. Once Dr. T'Soni arrived, she and I would trade shifts to keep watch on you. Captain Alenko did not leave your side. Tali'Zorah arrived a day later, and Officer Vakarian came at the end of the week.

"They came up with a procedure that would deactivate the Reaper shard, hopefully inducing it to release its physical hold on you as well. It started out as planned, but the Reaper began to defend itself. Your body experienced seizures and cardiac arrest, all while you fought it inside your mind.

"The stress of the situation caused some tension between the captain and Garrus. At one point, Garrus wanted to boost the signal of their device by inserting a wire into your skull. Kaidan nearly kicked him out. Instead our new recruits burst in and tried to force Garrus out at gunpoint. I believe it was Private Solis who lead them on. She reminded me very much of you."

Shepard groaned. "Those idiots. FNGs should be locked up until they know better."

"It's a good thing they came in when they did, Commander. You began using the Reaper's fields to absorb Kaidan's biotic energy."

"_What?_"

"I'm still not sure how exactly it happened, but he suddenly began showing symptoms of biotic exhaustion. Private Makara realized in time and convinced the others to join in to mitigate the effects, but the captain still got the worst of it. He collapsed as soon as the procedure was completed. You've both been recovering for a week."

Shepard stood, all traces of pain and exhaustion gone. "Where is he?"

The doctor eyed her for a moment, then gave in to the inevitable. "The back room; the dim light is better for him."

Before she even finished speaking the door to the back was closing behind Shepard. Chakwas sighed. At least she had gotten the Commander to sit down, if only for a minute.

#

Kaidan awoke to cool, calloused fingers stroking his hair. A voice he knew whispered beside him, calling him an idiot, telling him how sorry she was, saying she loved him. She kissed his left hand as though she were blessing it, and that made him open his eyes.

Shepard's hair was a mess, and she still looked far too thin. But her color was back, and she smiled when she saw his eyes open. The bed wasn't big enough for two, but she sat on the edge, as close as she could get.

"Hi," he said, his voice rasping against his dry throat.

"Hi," she whispered back. Her fingers continued moving through his hair, and it felt so nice that he was almost tempted to fall asleep again. Almost.

She leaned down, kissed him, then pulled back. "So I heard you saved my life," she said. "You shouldn't have. You could have died."

He took in her disheveled appearance, the smell of her unwashed body, and the legs under her hospital gown that were covered in fuzz. And he smiled.

"You're worth it."

#

When the patients were finally cleaned up and presentable, Doctor Chakwas let them go to the mess hall to eat. The crew had turned it into a party, somehow conjuring up a cake and beer, some for both dextro and amino diets. Just about everyone insisted on touching one or both of them, laying a hand on their shoulders or arms.

Joker insisted on taking the place of honor next to them at the table. "I'm the only one who does any real work around here anyway," he said. Shepard shook her head, grinning, and Kaidan squeezed her hand in his own.

Their former companions-Liara, Tali, and Garrus-crowded in close, and Shepard asked how they were, what they were doing these days. While they talked her ear off about Reapers and repairs and regulations, Kaidan cornered his kids.

"I am not pleased with you," he said in a low voice. "You charged into the medbay in the middle of an experimental procedure and held one of my personal friends at gunpoint. Is there anything you have to say for yourselves?"

The four of them looked at one another, as if for confirmation. Then they all looked him straight in the eye, unflinching. Aldon Makara spoke up. "Sir, our actions were inexcusable, but at the time we did what we considered best for your safety and Commander Shepard's. We'll take whatever punishment you deem fit. Sir."

It was odd how the idiocy of FNGs seemed to leave them all at once. Kaidan knew it would make a resurgence later on, but by then it would be blamed on stubbornness.

"Given your actions in saving the life of Commander Shepard," he said, "I am prepared to let you off with a warning. But I do not want a repeat of this incident. Ever. Am I understood?"

"Sir, yes sir!" They chorused.

"Good. Now go have some cake. Training resumes tomorrow."

#

While the party rolled on, someone quietly made their way to the elevator, riding down to the empty cargo bay. There, in the silence and shadows, light fingers tapped out a transmission.

_Confirmed, Commander Shepard and Captain Alenko have made a full recovery. Estimated arrival at the Citadel in three standard Earth days. Awaiting new orders._

There was a pause, no more than a few minutes at most. Then...

_Continue to observe Commander Shepard and report on her behavior. Both she and Captain Alenko must trust you without reservation. We will see to it that you remain on the _Normandy._ The Illusive Man is very pleased with your success. Congratulations._

Jacen Shanahan shut down his omni-tool and went back to the elevator. His smug grin had vanished by the time he returned to the party.

#

The captain's cabin was just as she remembered it. Cool, dimly lit, and perfect for two. Shepard sighed and snuggled against Kaidan's chest, their legs tangled together. She kissed his skin whenever the mood took her, which was often. And neither of them could stop smiling.

"I love you," he murmured. His eyes were kind, and his hands were warm on her back.

She kissed his bare chest again, then smiled up at him. "I love you, too."

They were quiet for a while, luxuriating in the feel of each other, the shared warmth that had led to the eviction of the blanket. It had been so long since they had had a night to themselves, and this time there was no crisis or worry to intrude. Tonight was a rare moment that they held for themselves.

Kaidan's eyes had almost slid closed when he heard Shepard whisper. "I don't think I can let you go again."

He stroked her hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Do we have a choice?"

"Maybe. I'm a Spectre, after all. I need a ship. We could make this work."

"The Alliance won't be happy to lose the _Normandy_ again."

"And who says I can't limit my assignments to Alliance space? We've got a whole new weapon for fighting the Reapers now; we don't have to depend on my charm to win. Besides, Admiral Hackett asks for so many favors that I think I'm owed one." She sat up, lost in thought. "We need to go to the Citadel anyway so I can report what happened with the Reapers, and the geth presence on Endymion. We'll drop Garrus off while we're there and get everything set up."

"You think it's going to be that easy?" He said. The smile on his face grew wider.

"Yes. I'm Commander Freaking Shepard. Galaxies bow at my whim."

"Good." Kaidan rolled, pinning her beneath him, his mouth moving dangerously close to hers. "Because I don't think I can let you go, either. Stay with me."

Jane Shepard kissed him, lightly, and then said the word they'd both been waiting to hear.

"Always."


	21. Afterward

It was almost three years ago that I unwrapped my copy of _Mass Effect_. My holiday was made. I played it twice before New Year's, and then set down the controller. And picked up a pen. "Stay With Me" was born out of an intense desire to keep playing, to see where Shepard would go next. I had no notes, no real plan, and only slightly-baked ideas. Apparently, it was enough to get followers.

For every review, at least two more people signed on for story or author alerts. Some added me to their favorites. I was, and still am, deeply honored. Athena Solaris was my first reviewer, but not the last. Sho-ro Eyez, VoiDreamer, ilmiopassato, Hawki, blackghost7, PenguinOfTroy, Nyfain, nisaa231295, katzy85, NCArden, brynnevan, AllyAbabwa, DhtrofIsis, JadeBlueAfterGlow1, magooglersriot, The Odd Little Turtle, R-I-C-A-R-D, xvmysteryvx, MasterVash, Sarcasm Turtle, HalleysComet, Lawliet's Shinigami, Selena Valentine Mars, Swirlwind, Delylah, MeSoCute123, Tiger Snaps, moonlightseeker, tradygirl, fortunesque, Cate Lynn, Apathyisdeath, TheLostMinstrel, NOBLAHBLAHBLAH, FrozenPyromaniac, Elyssa Brown, Bdub, Jenna53, Skattebasse, Kuroi Akuryou, RubyRed1975, jillyfae, arysani, -x-fallen-x-fate-x-, Kalan Jade, blackhawk68, Ioialoha, KermitTheHermit, and CCBug...thank you, all of you. Your reviews kept me going, stroked my ego, and made me want to be better. I owe you so much.

Now for the behind-the-scenes factoids:

There was supposed to be a minor plot point in which Esme and Rhona both had crushes on Kaidan and competed for his affections. But all it did was make them look stupid and bratty, and poor Kaidan came off as either oblivious or a jerkwad. So it was dropped. Here's a cut clip.

_**(Ch. 12, just before the call from Garrus.)**_

_Kaidan considered banging his head on the desk again, but thought better of it. Why torment himself when he could train his new recruits? If he was lucky, he'd wear them out so badly that they would stop barging in on him all the-_

_"Captain Alenko?"_

_Speak of the devil._

_"What is it, Private Mitra?" Kaidan snapped, getting out of his chair. _

_Rhona smiled, pulling her ponytail of long blonde hair across her shoulder, running her hands through it._

_"Um, I was wondering...Captain, would we have any chance of going groundside soon? It's just, it gets so boring on the ship..." She shot a glance at him from under her eyelashes. "...and I don't know what to do with myself."_

_Kaidan couldn't recall the last time he'd been so absolutely irritated at a human being before. No, wait, he could. Rhona reminded him of the asari Consort._

_Because the truth was, no matter how cute the girl was, no matter how much she flirted and batted her eyelashes, there were so many more constructive things she could be doing. Especially if she was a private on the Normandy._

_"That's fantastic," he said, grinning. "Because I've got something in mind for you."_

_"Really?" Rhona beamed, then caught herself and remembered to act sultry again. "Oh, Captain..."_

_"That malfunctioning panel in the mess hall? Go repair it for me."_

_Rhona resembled a goldfish, her mouth opening and closing in a desperate attempt to swallow what she'd been told. "Um...I-"_

_"Perfect," Kaidan continued. "Now go see to that." And then he pushed her out the door._

_"Teenagers..." he muttered._

See what I mean? As amusing as it might have been, it wasn't the way I wanted Rhona's character to go. And Esme isn't the type to get in a catfight, anyway.

Speaking of the kids...I didn't do as much as I thought I would with them. I almost considered cutting them. But no one seemed to hate them being there, and they gave an interesting perspective to events. And Kaidan needed someone to TALK to, and a unit that he could command and learn to grow with. So they did serve a higher purpose.

Incidentally, Rhona is a Vanguard, Aldon an Adept, Jacen a Sentinel, and Esme a Soldier. (I know, technically that's not a biotic class, but that doesn't stop us from using those Bonus Powers, does it? And Esme has the weakest output anyway.)

Just so you know, it bowled me over when we got to explore inside the derelict Reaper in ME 2. "What's this tomfoolery?" I said. "I am rather forcefully reminded of my fan-made fiction, wherein Shepard does battle within sleeping Reapers. This is quite a strange coincidence!"

Actually, when I said it there was a lot more swearing involved. Because my brain had apparently been tuning in during a Bioware staff meeting. Records will show that I planned and wrote that chapter BEFORE playing the game. Weird...

Incidentally, my outline for the story was written on three post-it notes. Clearly, I am both insane and a masochist.

But the chapters still got written, somehow. The last one was sparked by a headache, and that was how I began the chapter. So thank you, Brain. I owe you things.

Penultimately, I have a bit of news. This Friday I will be putting up the first chapter of my next Shenko series. (Please stop squeeing; my ears are beginning to bleed.) I've already got five chapters completed, and I will post one every Friday until I run out or get bored. The title is "Love and Marriage", and here's a short preview:

_Really, it was a testament to Shepard's skill that she had managed alone for a week. There had been an award ceremony on the Citadel (the two of them had enough medals to fill every room in the house), they didn't want the baby anywhere near the media feeding frenzy, and Shepard loathed such events slightly more than Kaidan did. Ergo, he was the one to leave for a week and sit through days of pomp and circumstance. When he had come home, it was very clear just how far at the end of her rope Shepard was. Kaidan was determined to make it up to her. _

_Of course, his wife had only been out of the room for ten minutes before the baby started crying._

This may or may not be the first chapter. I have yet to decide what order they should go in.

And finally, I dedicate the completion of this project to my boyfriend, John. He's my Carth, my Kaidan, my Alistair, and whenever I'm with him I feel like I can take on the universe. I love you.

Shenko forever.


End file.
